The game we play
by Hickok
Summary: Pretensious smut fic I tried to write. Shigure likes to play around with Ayame, but what if Ayame didn't see it as a game? R rating for final chapter.
1. Snatched by a name

**__**

The game we play.

DISCLAIMER: Shigure, Ayame, Kyou and all the other fruity Furuba characters do not belong to me. You'd know if they did.

Note: I was inspired to write this after discovering the lack of Ayame/Shigure couple fics out there, despite how much these two flirt on the show. Sure there are enough lemons about them, the only problem is Mr. Straightest-Guy-in-Fruits-Basket-Hatori somehow manages to worm his way into them. But hey whatever lifts your skirt and I can't stop people from writing their smut (though I very much want to.) This is just my little attempt to try and show anyone who reads it that Ayame and Shigure have all the potential of being a serious couple who don't just joke around all the time. Oh and there's no Hatori in it. All you fangirls who wanted a Mabudatchi lemon can hit the back button right now.

All those that are still here, good for you. There's still hope. 

__

We've known each other

For a long, long time

But I never really noticed

All the magic in your eyes

I've been around you

A thousand times before

And you've always been a friend to me

But now I'm wanting more

I must have been so blind

I never realized

You're the one that's right for me

All the while I couldn't see

And now I feel so strange

I'll never be the same

Going 'round and 'round in circles

And I don't know what to do

'Cause baby-

I've been thinking about you 

In the most peculiar way

I've been thinking about you

It's unbelievable to me

But suddenly I think

I'm falling in love with you. ~ Mariah Carey, "I've been thinking about you."

"What the hell are _you _doing here!?"

Ayame straightened the collar of his long jacket, unperturbed by Kyou's violent eruption and grinned widely.

"Why Lucky Kyou, you don't seem as thrilled as you should be to see me!" He exclaimed, sounding surprised. Kyou arched a delicate orange eyebrow. "But I suppose that's understandable. After all my arrival was so sudden it's only natural you'd be overcome with happiness at my presence!"

"Don't call me Lucky Kyou!!"

"Of course Lucky Kyou, whatever you say." Ayame said distractedly. He had caught sight of his reflection and was busy fussing over his immaculate silver hair, biting his lip as though thoroughly disgusted. "Tch, honestly. I swear I haven't been able to do anything with it lately. What do you think Lucky Kyou, do you think my hair looks messy? No need to be concerned about hurting my feelings now, just tell me the truth so I can eradicate the problem. Don't hold back now!"

Kyou groaned and slammed his fists down onto the table, his features very quickly flushing red to match his hair. (Which is orange. Oops... Oh well, just go along with it!!) There were many things in the world that annoyed him; Kagura, leeks, Yuki to name a few, but none of these could put him in as much pain as the damn rats egotistical older brother, Ayame. True that whilst Kagura and Yuki could bruise his body black and blue and leeks could deliver a particularly powerful knockout punch, it simply took Ayame being in the same room to drain Kyou of any rational reason to continue living. In fact, if he wasn't so invested in his promise to beat Yuki before the year was out, he would have happily taken himself out and pulled a Ritsu by hurling himself off of the roof. Only with a margin more success.

"Look Ayame... Yuki's not here..." Kyou muttered, taking deep soothing breaths in order to keep from cracking the snakes head over the table. "He went to a movie with Tohru, Kagura, Kisa and Hiro."

Ayame's eyes widened curiously. "Well, if that's the case why didn't you go along Lucky Kyou-"

"Don't call me that!!"

"- you can never be too careful you know, what with so many weirdo's running around."

"The weirdo running around would be _you _and seeing as how you're here torturing me I don't think they have anything to worry about! Besides –" Kyou sank down beside the table and curled his fingers into a tight fist. "- There's no way I'm going to risk being in a dark place with Kagura no matter how many other people there are around us. Can you imagine?! She'd be telling me to put my arm around her and do all that other stupid movie crap she thinks couples should do. Then she'd beat me up if I refused! That girl has some serious problems!!"

Ayame chuckled as he flipped his hair back, the silver strands coming to rest securely between his shoulder blades. "In this family Kyou, I don't think it's anyone's right to start pointing fingers. But blame aside, what time will they be home? I would hate to think that my visit was in vain and that I've failed once again to strengthen the surely forming bond between myself and my baby brother!"

He threw his hand against his forehead dramatically and uttered a hearty cry of sorrow. Kyou started praying to the Buddha and all things holy for some earplugs.

"Tohru's staying over at Hana's place for the night with that damn Yankee. But Yuki should be back soon. In good time." Kyou couldn't help but think that if Yuki got wind of Ayame's presence in the vicinity he would never come home. Which was all right with him, the only problem being that he would have to deal with Ayame for longer. And that would never do. 

"Guess I'll have to wait around for a little while then..." Ayame said thoughtfully, setting himself down cross-legged on the floor. "So Kyou, why not be a dear and make us some tea whilst I entertain you with anecdotes of the Three Musketeers in High school?"

Kyou thought about this and decided he'd rather gargle with acid and broken glass. Of course, he expressed his discomfort in a politer way.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!? What do I look like, your damn maidservant!?" The cat screeched leaping to his feet and vein popping all over the place. "If you want someone to dress up as in one of your little skirts and kiss your ass then get Shigure, I'm sure he'd be thrilled to do it!!"

Kyou immediately regretted his words as Ayame's eyes lit up like a little kid at Christmas time. _Whoo boy... here comes the hentai..._

"'Gure-San's here!!" Ayame cried, jumping up and down like Mine whenever he gave her a compliment. Dear God make it stop. "Then it would seem that my coming here was not a waste at all! Oh goodie, where is he!?"

__

I just sentenced myself to death... no... no this goes beyond death, this goes right to the bowels of Hell! Hell's intestinal vortex of slow painful, acidic stomach juices... Kyou sank to the floor, tugging at great clumps of his orange hair. He didn't stop once to think that he was being overly dramatic and fanfic author wordy about his plight. In fact, he was near to certain that being digested alive would be much less painful then having to deal with a dose of Shigure and Ayame. It was a bit of a no-brainer really.

"Lucky Kyou, where are you going?" Ayame wondered, for Kyou was motoring straight for the door, faster then his short lived journey on Valentines Day to escape Kagura. 

"I'm going – Hell I don't know, the mountain, the main house, to fight bears- JUST AWAY FROM YOU!!" He stopped suddenly and turned to the audience. "By the way, I did not fight bears during my training, it was completely coincidental that I just mentioned them there, okay? Okay? Good." With that he returned to his immediate task; escaping the evil, evil Ayame. So eager was he to get away from the evil, _evil _Ayame it seemed that there was no need to take into consideration silly little things like opening doors. Kyou simply kicked it off its hinges, sending wood chips and paper flying out into the yard beyond. Ayame shrieked like a little girl watching a horror movie.

"Kyou!! That's just inconsiderate treatment of Shigure's property!!" Ayame yelled after the neko's retreating figure. Whether Kyou actually heard or not he was uncertain, since he had taken no time in getting his ass up that mountain and towards some hot bear fighting action. 

As he watched Kyou disappear into the night, Ayame started to experience the familiar stirrings of discontentment welling up within him. It was an emotion he felt very in touch with these days; more so then he would have liked. Though really, he didn't feel the word did the feeling justice. He just couldn't understand, try as he might, why when he tried so hard with people that his only reward was their scrutiny and rejection. It wasn't just Kyou-Kun either. Yuki, his parents, even Tori-San at times seemed to view him as a simple two-dimensional being with very little depth and feelings.

__

Just because I'm eccentric does it make them somehow think that my feelings are somehow shielded? That I don't connect with them the way other people do? I still hurt just the same as everyone else... but does my personality make people feel they have the right to scorn my feelings? Does it?

Ayame unfurled his legs, stretching each limb slowly, so the folds of his coat rippled into deep indents and creases. He watched the cloths subtle movements; somehow feeling himself relax a little as though the gentle waves somewhat translated soothing, calm words. A language only he understood. Fabric was something he could understand and understand it well at that. It was all too easy to pick up a beautiful square or roll of cloth and shape it into something even better, something he wanted it to be. He supposed that was what had drawn him towards tailoring in the first place, the position of control it put him in. Even when he was unable to control other aspects of his life, he was still able to return to his shop each morning and bury himself in his work, making things the way he wanted them to be made. If his tailoring had taught him anything over the years, it was that clothing was worn nowadays not only to keep people from running around naked. If that were the case, then they would all be wearing the same thing with the simple purpose of hiding their nudity from sight. Oh no, clothing was an art, an impression. And he was perfect in his art. Clothing was worn to help impress upon others a person's sense of identity. A claim a unique sense of who they were. If a person was relaxed, sensual, casual, then their clothing would usually reflect that. Or if they leant more towards the eccentric side, such as he himself did, then it was more then likely they would wear something gaudy, flashy to attract a person's attention.

Aah yes, clothing was made to impersonate a person's persona, but people themselves could not be made to suit the clothing that was a fact. There was no tailor for people, no one could shape them to make them fit to their own ideals and wants. That in itself was life. And the truth was that Ayame was frustrated by it, by his lack of success, particularly with Yuki. It just seemed like the more he tried, the more he set himself up for rejection and the more he was rejected the more he started to notice that the people around him didn't seem to care that it was happening! There were many things in his life that he wished he could shape to suit his ideals; things he wanted. Yuki to look at him as a brother and accept him, for Hatori to finally look at him as someone he could be proud of rather then someone he was more often then not ashamed of, for Shigure to- No, they were all too far fetched, particularly that last one. There was no way in Hell that he would ever... still, was it any more far fetched then Yuki finally tying bonds with him? That was a high improbability with an even greater chance of, NO WAY NOT IN A THOUSAND YEARS YOU BASTARD.

Maybe Ayame didn't show it as well as he should but he had feelings just like everyone else. It was only his pride as a man that kept him from crying out loud in front of everyone. He saved that until he was in the privacy of his own room.

Ayame climbed heavily to his feet, feeling a dead weight settling comfortably into the pit of his stomach. He hated feeling like this, like no one really cared about him. Despite having already taken his shoes off, he made his way over to the remains of the door and peered out. From the looks of things, it would seem that Kyou had dragged a good portion of the door with him, leaving a Hansel and Gretal trail of wood and paper into the night. A cold breeze blew past; whipping up the hem of Ayame's legs and slapping his bare legs playfully, just like the author would if given half the chance. (Oops, did I actually write that? *Slaps wrist*) It was winter now and thanks to Kyou's dramatic actions Shigure's house was going to get all drafty and this simply would not do! Since he felt partly responsible for the horrific mutilation upon the front door, Ayame decided to do his bit and at least pick up all the left over debris. From what he could hear, Shigure was on the phone a few rooms away having a heated discussion with his poor editor, Mii. It sounded as though Shigure had "forgotten" to send a copy of the manuscript to her address and now he was a week over the deadline and she was copping flack from the publishers as per usual. Ayame figured Shigure must have heard the door crash but was so used to it at this point that he hadn't even looked up from his conversation. 

__

Typical 'Gure. He thought fondly, stepping over the threshold and into the front lawn. _He'll probably be the death of that woman one day. He'll give her a coronary or something then who will he have to tease? It will have to be Hari... I'm sure that would go down well!! _

Chuckling quietly to himself, Ayame pulled his red coat a little tighter around his slim form and knelt down in the damp grass, hurriedly gathering the pieces of splintered wood to him. The wind picked up, sending his fine platinum hair, swirling about his face obscuring his view for a moment, until it settled back against his shoulders. That was the great thing about being an anime character; you don't have too many bad hair days, no matter what the weather. Ayame's teeth began to chatter and he could feel coldness seeping into his bones, always a bad sign that he was pushing his luck. It was stupid of him he knew, to be out in the cold like this with so little layers on, but he didn't feel as though he could relax with the house the way it was; the front door scattered for a mile around. He did feel partly responsible after all... and besides Shigure...

Ayame's fingertips froze, hovering an inch above the torn strip of paper he had been about to pick up. His thoughts were straying away from the cold front yard and back into the house, to where Shigure stood, grinning as he delivered each teasing comment down the phone.

__

Shigure... Shigure you... you never treated me like the others did... not once did you glance at me with that disgruntled look in your eyes, as though I had somehow done something wrong even before I had said a word. ...Not once.

Ayame's eyelids closed briefly, the wind snapping down and snatching the piece of paper from the grass and away into the darkness, before he could retrieve it. But Ayame didn't even notice. The beauty of the symbolism itself was the paper being his own thoughts, being yanked away by that one persons name... by the mere thought of him. The darkness the same delicious color of his hair, that beautiful creature he had always admired whom he had always desired in one way or another. That handsome face and quirky smile had reeled him in all too easily, the attraction revealing itself for what it was as soon as they had hit puberty and he was able to finally see him as something else then his friend.

Shigure Sohma. The dog of the Jyuunishi.

__

'Gure-San you're the wind to me... elusive as you've always been. You snatch me away and carry me with you, then drop me where you see fit. ...Like a game. Our game that we play you and I, Shigure... A game you always seem to win, without even knowing that you're playing it.

It was his best-kept secret, his feelings for Shigure, his feelings of love. A sincere love at that, one that not many were sure that he was capable of. But how else could he describe it? It was such a wonderful feeling, how alive he felt every time he looked into those deep brown eyes. The very curve of his mouth as it shaped upwards into a joking, appreciative smile. His casual relaxed posture and gentle nature, so kind and caring to those around him. He could make him smile so easily and there had never been a time when he had failed to bring him out of a slump, laughing hysterically. Lord he was a wonderful man. It had not been difficult for Ayame to fall so hard for him, hard enough to bruise every bone in his body and scrape the skin for each limb. Yet it was divine, the subtle pains in his stomach he felt when thinking of him, imagining the two of them together as he so wanted them to be. 

The reason for it being so well hidden was that he boasted it as loudly and flamboyantly as possible, at every given chance. His outrageous flirting, his sly comments of ambiguous nature... they were as much a mask as Kyou's tough guy persona. (When really he's just a gentle guy who loves animals. Awww!) The way Ayame looked at it, the more open he was about it, the more people around would come to see it as a joke.

Another thing about him that wouldn't be taken seriously.

Shigure had almost certainly never suspected it for what it was. He had been all too happy to play the game, delighting in the witty hi-jinks the pair of them got up to whenever they were together. It was no secret he liked to torture people who were altogether too serious and flirting with Ayame was just another way of going about it. There's more then one way to skin a cat, if you'll pardon the expression. Maybe I should go ahead and piss Akito off too by saying; "Killing two birds with one stone?" (Random Akito: DIE, DIE DIE!!! *Stabs author repeatedly*) There were times when Ayame wanted more then anything to be taken seriously. Not all the time of course, because seriousness could seriously make the world a dull place, but just sometimes. It would be wonderful if he could only make Yuki believe that he was truly sorry for what he had done all those years ago and that he sincerely wanted to change. If Kyou could try to understand him more and even accept him for who he was without telling him to go away or going away himself. And if Shigure... Shigure would pull his head out of his ass one day and realize that every word Ayame spoke to him that he had believed to be a joke... every word... was actually true...

The wind picked up again and Ayame jerked out of his thoughts, realizing that he was boring the readers and probably should get back to work. He hurriedly moved about the yard, picking up the remaining bits and pieces before the wind snapped them up too. He was definitely shaking now, a very bad sign overall and it didn't help that wet hot tears had started to form in the corners of his eyes. He blinked, drawing them out onto the arch of his long eyelashes allowing one single drop to fall across the arch of his porcelain cheek. He reached up to wipe it away; berating himself silently for getting so worked up about nothing.

__

Isn't Shigure off of the phone yet? He couldn't have missed my voice could he? ... Maybe he thinks I just left or something...

Still, he found it surprising that Shigure hadn't at least taken a peek at the damage. As accustomed as he may have grown to it, he still couldn't resist moaning over each new hole in his beloved house, no matter how big or small it may be. And this was a big fucking new addition. Shigure would be in his element.

__

'Gure-San... you have no idea how much I care for you... do you? Ayame thought as he secured the bundles of wood and paper tight against his chest. _You think I'm only joking, when I really want you so bad it hurts. So bad... I can't even lie still for a single moment without thinking about you. Thinking of what it would feel like to have you lying there beside me, of your gentle hands roaming across my skin. How your mouth would taste as your warm lips possessed mine... Shigure, what does it mean to you, this game we play? Why can't I just come out and say that I care for you this way? Hell, Haru did with Yuki! Or could it be that when I think of the possibility of you saying that you don't feel the same way... I'm afraid? Because the idea that this much love for you could be nipped in the bud... it hurts so much..._

True that whilst Ayame admired Hatori for his many good qualities, what so many people failed to see was that he admired Shigure too. On the one hand, he and Shigure could joke around madly, laughing and flirting to the discomfort of all those around them and on the other, they could also sit down and have a serious discussion over tea. A friend like that was all he felt he ever needed and whilst he had that sort of fulfillment with Shigure, Ayame felt as though he could handle all the other disappointments in his life. Even if Shigure could never see past the joking or the laughter and catch the look in Ayame's eyes as he spoke every word, he had that friendship. Did he really deserve any more then that? Was it selfish to want more, to think about Shigure in such ways when he himself so obviously did not feel the same way? It was almost indecent... rude, to imagine holding him close, kissing him, making love to him... What would he say if he had any idea what was going through Ayame's head? He'd probably run screaming into the night just as Kyou had.

But whatever his reactions might be on the matter, it would never change Ayame's feelings for him. They were a constant companion day in, day out, knawing at his heart, begging him to quell the rampant urges in his body. Like his serpent form sought out heat to stay alive, so did Ayame seek that warmth, the simple warmth of a loving human touch, a warmth only Shigure could provide. He'd tried to find it in others, both men and women alike, but in comparison to Shigure, his feelings for him made it near to impossible to be satisfied by anyone else. He found a contentment in Shigure such as he had in no one else. Whilst he was with him, he was happy, when they were apart, he missed him. It almost seemed as though the two of them _were _in fact lovers; yet Ayame alone was the only one who noticed. When he had first started having these feelings he couldn't say, but as he had grown so had they in their intensity until they were almost unbearable to contain inside of him. Why did Shigure choose to be so blind? Couldn't he see that this wasn't a game to Ayame? It never had been, not at all...

"Shigure..." He whispered, not surprised at the lusty weight in which his words fell to the wind. "...Shigure..."

He took a few stumbling steps towards the house, his bare feet frozen by the wet chill of the grass. His eyelids were feeling heavy and that familiar drowsy sensation was starting to overtake him. Each step was an agonizing battle, taking a thousand years to fall. And he was cold... almost as cold as Hatori's heart. (Okay, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist! You can all hunt me down later! ^_^)

"Shigure..." He whispered again, barely registering the feeling of the sudden pelting rain against his skin. Nor the fact that he had fallen to both knees's in the sodden grass, unable to keep his frozen body standing. (I was going to say 'erect' but then I realized just how very wrong that would have been!) He fell forward completely, his hair falling across his face as he made contact with the damp soil.

"Yuck..." He muttered, spitting out a mouthful of mud. "How unsanitary! This is certainly no desirable treatment for a house gues-geau-GUH ~" He broke off into a shuddering yawn, a chill racing up and down his spine as the rain fell against his back, like the chorus of a thousand tiny fingers against the keys of a piano. Tentatively seeking out the correct points and grazing them with only the slightest brush... He scoffed to himself. _Bet Shigure would never do that. _He hung his head. _Then again, would he want to do it to a man, who was sprawled out on his front lawn in the rain, angsting away in an internal monologue and occasionally verbalizing to himself? He has a _little _more class then that... not much, but a little more._

The drowsy feeling was reaching up to claim him; gently tugging him downwards, away from those gentle fingertips that continued to dance along the expanse of his angular back. He was falling into a deep sleep, the darkness calling to him, enticing him to succumb to it and then, over the sound of the rain he thought he could hear someone calling his name. But it was only a passing thought, then with a puff of smoke he was a snake, curling up desperately amongst the wet garments, trying to draw from them whatever heat it could. The ground reverberated up through his belly, the distinct sound of approaching footsteps and a blurred buzzing sound that translated as human speech, though it had no impact on his snake body at all. But even in that fevered hibernation, Ayame was became consciously aware of the warmth that ensnared his body, surrounded him from everywhere at once. If only for a second, then he fell into an even deeper sleep as complete as death itself (though not quite, since you know... he would be dead and all.) cloaked in a dark warmness that he had not even needed to seek out...

Note: This is only the first part of what I hope to be a five-chapter story. In case you hadn't noticed, this was the fluffy, angsty, exposition chapter where I really drill into you what to expect. Now that I have scared you, I can happily warn you that this is the angstiest chapter of the lot and the rest will be only medium fluffy. If I can help it. Oh yeah, and chapter 5 is going to be lemonish, hence the R rating. Though I have to say, it was nice to take a break from my humor fics to try something like this. And once I'm done with it, I may very well never do it again. (Collective sigh of relief.)

So, please R and R and flame if you feel like it. Like I said, don't flame me about its fluff-iness, because I'm beating myself up enough about it for everyone in the world. Flame my bad sentence structure or inability to write anything serious. But lay off the fluff, son. Lay off! 


	2. Light beyond the door

**__**

The game we play.

DISCLAIMER: I would own Fruits Basket if I had thought of it first, but someone beat me to the punch. This someone is now rich and can afford to be sued if it turned out that they were stealing someone else's work. But they are not. And I am not gaining any money off of this so please do not sue me. I like the little bit of money I do have.

Note: Thankyou everyone for all the nice reviews I got! It was six more then I thought I would get and I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of Shigure/Ayame fans out there. Come on guys! Help me out! Release the smut!! I can't do this alone!

Well, hope you all enjoy the next chapter! If my readers are anything like me, you probably skip all the angst and scroll right down to the romantic scenes. I have to warn you, it's only a bit of innocent cuddling in this chappy. Chapter 5 is the dirty chapter so you'll just have to wait until then! Sorry! ^^

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Each time I look at you

Is like the first time

Each time you're near me

The thrill is new

And there is nothing

That I wouldn't do for

The rare delight of the sight

Of you for

The more I see you,

The more I want you

Somehow this feeling

Just grows and grows

With every sigh

I become more mad about you

More lost without you and so it

goes.

Can you imagine how much I love 

you? 

The more I see you as years go by

I know the only one for me can

only be you

My arms won't free you, my heart 

won't try. 

I know the only one for me can

only be you

My arms won't free you, my heart 

won't try. ~ Nat King Cole.

Darkness... a thousand fragments of past memories blurring into focus before fading back into the blackness again. Brief glimpses only, never lasting, unable to grasp a hold of them for any longer to even determine what they were. Short glances of the child he had been, all those years ago. As a teenager, frolicking about the halls of school with Hatori and Shigure at his side. 

Darker days; the day he had turned Yuki away from him, not wanting to even acknowledge his little brothers existence. Lovers he had cheated on or who cheated on him. Long days spent living in the Sohma estate; gazing up at the surrounding walls and wondering what it was like to live outside of them, free from the eyes of the family. The family whose eyes were always watching him, waiting for the chance when he would slip their expectations of him.

It had happened once, once many years ago... the darkness blending seamlessly into the memory of a room, sealed from light. Behind a door, down one of the long hallways of the house had grown up in. A room he hated had never stopped hating.

It was a cold room... dark and cold. Even in his dream of memory, Ayame was unable to free himself from the feeling that permeated his tiny body all of sixteen years ago. Why his subconscious mind had allowed this memory to linger he did not know, but try as he might he was unable to writhe from it's grasp. He didn't want to see it again. He didn't want to be reminded...

"He cannot be trusted around the baby!" A woman's voice accused from outside the locked door. That child... that snake! We must have been fooling ourselves, to even think that he could be. We should have known better then to have taken chances with Yuki; a child of the rat..."

The ten-year-old Ayame inched up from his kneeled position beside the door, trying to peer out into the hallway beyond. Through the keyhole he caught glimpses of people moving past, a group of women fussing over a tightly wrapped bundle held in the arms of a man.

The baby within the bundle none other then his brother Yuki; the newest addition to the Sohma clan.

"Is it true that he dropped him?" Another woman asked, her eyes raking scathingly over the door as though trying to spy the cowering youth beyond. "It's strange though, whatever the case. The rat and the snake, born of the same mother? Peculiar. I would highly doubt the likeliness of the brothers to ever be close."

"Still... I'm sure Yuki will do us all very proud!" The Man declared cheerfully, running his hand over the crown of the baby's head. "I can't say just how happy his mother and I am; that we've been blessed with a child of the rat! He's bound to be as special as those who came before him. Even if Ayame is not."

Perhaps it had been those words that had really been the coldness he had felt that day. Locked in that room, watching the family he loved through the space of a rusty keyhole, as they celebrated the birth of his baby brother. He'd already been forgotten about so quickly.

He hadn't dropped Yuki on purpose; that had been an accident. But he had been locked away as punishment into the coldest room of the house, one that was prone to drafts, despite all his protests. He was not to be let out until dinnertime, six hours away.

Ayame felt cold jealousy rage in his gut, jealousy at the tiny infant he had only ever held once. The infant named Yuki Sohma, who now took up all his parents time and attention. A solitary yellow eye glistened through the keyhole, moist with tears before retreating back into darkness. As quickly as it had come, the feelings of envy evaporated and now more then anything, it was loneliness he felt. Was this how it was going to be from this day forth? Living in the smaller shadow of his wonderful baby brother, simply because he was the rat? Why should it have to be that way? Why-

Ayame sneezed, the sound echoing around the tiny room. It was so cold in there and his bare feet were freezing. What made it so much worse, was that the cold was enough to make him uncomfortable, but not enough to make him transform. He pulled his robes around his body, tucking his arms into the luxurious length of the sleeves trying to restore the feeling into his hands. He wanted to be warm.

"Aya?"

Golden eyes darted to the space beneath the door, where tiny fingers were attempting to probe through to reach the room beyond. Ayame bent his face down close to them, trying to see who the source of the voice was.

"Aya-Kun... they said that they locked you in here." The voice said, whilst the fingers brushed against his cheek. "I was worried about you... Are you cold? I can go find the key if you like...?"

Gure-San! Ayame let out a cry of recognition and pressed his own fingers to his friends, savoring the human contact. 

"Shigure..." He whimpered, feeling tears lift into the corners of his eyes and hang there suspended. "You could get in trouble... I don't want you to get in trouble..."

'Could it have been his response that day, that had been the turning point for me?' Ayame wondered. Hatori had once said that in memory people tend to overly romanticize those that we care about... but even now, every day since then, Shigure's words had always held the exact same meaning to me. Nothing less, nothing more. In memory I hold them dear to me but they could not possibly have become dearer as the years passed. Perhaps it was only Shigure himself that became all the dearer. And it was so simplistic; so innocent and sweet those child-spoken words.

"I don't mind getting in trouble for you, Aya. Just as long as you're not cold. Not ever."

Ayame felt those tears return and gather on his lower eyelids, sliding up over them to glide down his plump cheeks, like a finger over fine glass. Tracing invisible patterns that no one could see. He didn't think anyone would care that he was to be locked away in darkness; not while Yuki was around anyway.

But Shigure had proved him wrong.

He had come to make sure that he was not suffering that he was not alone.

To put it simply it was... nice, that he worried about him. Though as a child, it was almost an automated response to seek out a lost friend if they did not turn up to play the games with them. And perhaps that was the entire point of it... that Shigure would always wait outside of that door, until Ayame was ready to step out from behind it and continue with the games they played. To extend that childhood of theirs beyond the passing of the years and continue to live it into a time when all innocence had passed.

Ayame pressed his head to the base of the door, allowing Shigure's fingers to touch his face as he sobbed openly, begging him not to leave.

And Shigure had listened. He had stayed. He would always stay, as long as that door stood between them, waiting for the day when Ayame would step out from behind it and leave that darkness once and for all.

(Obligatory little stars to signify the end of a dream sequence: * * * * * *) (They are nice, no?)

Ayame awoke with a fever. His skin felt hot and sweaty, prickling from beneath like he had lost the feeling all over his body. There was a sharp pain spearing mercilessly from behind his eyes, as though a red-hot skewer had been inserted through one ear and out the other. If this were not enough, he felt nauseous too; a sickening sliding sensation in his stomach.

A strangled groan escaped his lips as he blinked sleepily, adjusting to the dull light from the corner of his eyes. It was a bedside lamp; naturally concluding the fact that he was in a bed. Ayame rolled away from the light, only then acknowledging the feeling of the fabric against his feverish skin. The blankets were wound around him tightly, hindering his legs and restricting his movements. One by one, he slowly flexed each limb, wriggling his toes and finger's, that had been clenched tightly around the blanket's hem. Considering that he was able to do so, Ayame figured that he was now once again human. (Aww... isn't he smart?!) He must have transformed back whilst he had been sleeping.

'_It's been a while since I thought about that night... I guess the cold brought it back to me...' _Ayame thought, not stopping to realize that this line sounded remarkably like Hatori's in episode 8. Oh well, blame the author. Whimpering softly from the stabbing pain in his head, Ayame sat up, resting his weight back on the balls of his hands. His platinum hair fell in rivers across his bare back, (Readers: Perk up at the mention of 'Ayame' and 'bare' in the same paragraph.) caressing the skin down as far as the curvature of his buttocks. He was completely naked.

Right. Now I have the readers undivided attention... may we continue on with the chapter.

"Aah, so the sleeping beauty finally awakes."

Ayame snapped his head towards the door, regretting it almost instantly. A sharp whiplash (Akito: Whip?!) of pain struck his skull, making his head spin. His elbows buckled beneath his weight and he would have collapsed if not for the gentle arm that had braced his back at the last second. It remained there; holding him gently in a sitting position until Ayame was able to focus again.

"Hey, take it easy, huh?" The voice said from very close to his ear. "You've got a fever you stupid idiot. What do you think you were doing, bumbling around on the front lawn in this weather? You _know _you're sensitive to the cold you dumb snake." The hand gripped his shoulder tightly, demanding his full attention. "It's a good thing I was the only one around to see you transform, otherwise you'd have more things to worry about then a little chill."

Ayame sneezed as though to clarify this and looked into Shigure's soft brown eyes. They betrayed his stern tone as usual, showing his true nature to be that of a concerned one. Laced with worry over his closest friend. For some reason, this made Ayame feel even more guilty then it would have if he were just plain angry. Shigure was annoyed that Ayame had put himself in such a vulnerable situation, because of the consequences of his actions. That these consequences had resulted in this sickness and that it was causing him to suffer. It was all concern for him.

Ayame raked his fingers through his sweaty bangs and smiled apologetically. He felt awful, in so many more ways then his sickness could provide. Mostly, for how he had must have made Shigure worry. Not that he very much allowed himself the drama of worrying. It wasn't his style.

"I got K-Kyou angry..." He stammered, clenching his fingers around the blankets and pulling them up to his lower chest. His body remained completely exposed along the back, but he was in no mood now to be bashful. Let Shigure stare if he wanted. "He b-b-broke the door. I thought I sh-should clean it up as best I c-could..." 

His body trembled from a cold his fever would not allow him to feel somewhere beneath the burning heat that cascaded beneath his ashen skin. Shigure sighed over dramatically (he's pretty good at that) and gave a little smile as he pulled Ayame roughly against his chest, arms tight around his back and shoulders. Ayame gasped despite himself. The feeling of Shigure's body against his bare skin was almost too much for him to handle, especially in a moment of weakness like this. Although if Shigure did decide to take advantage of him, he wouldn't mind.

"Of all the times for you to gain nobility..." The Inu muttered into his hair, sending an all new wave of shivers down the snakes spine. "You had me worried you know... and now look at you! You're sick, if you'll excuse the pun, as a dog!"

Ayame murmured a sound neither to the negative nor the affirmative. He was too distracted by the feeling of Shigure so close to him to worry about anything he was saying. It wasn't safe.

"D-Did you call H-Hari?" He asked finally finding his voice. Shigure smiled kind of half heartedly as he gently lowered Ayame back onto the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin.

"Of course. He said it might be best for you to stay here to recover, rather then moving you back to the main house..." The Inu replied, brushing his hand beneath Ayame's bangs to register his temperature. "Hari thinks you should be alright with some run of the mill medicine and a good nights sleep."

"What about some TLC?"

"If it wasn't taught in med school, Hari would have no idea what it was." Shigure said, chuckling openly as he stroked the crown of Ayame's head. "I suppose I could always put it into practice though. Just don't expect me to start dropping grapes into your mouth or plucking you chickens." (Kureno: *Screams*)

Ayame laughed softly as he relaxed back, enjoying Shigure's touch. If this was how he was doomed to spend a night, it didn't seem so bad!

"Could you plump my pillows for me, Gure-San?" He asked ever so sweetly, batting his eyelashes. Shigure rolled his eyes and made a big show of plumping the pillows up for him. When he had finished, he leaned close, smiling widely.

"Is that better your highness?" He cooed his breath hot on Ayame's cheek. The snake nodded cutely, hoping his fever would hide the blush he could feel creeping into his cheeks. It really wasn't safe to have him that close... 

Shigure winked as he got to his feet, straightening out the various creases in his kimono as they shifted about his lean figure.

"Now, you wait right there, Aya! I'm going to get you a damp face cloth for your forehead and a cup of tea. Try to lie still and not get overexcited like you always do, hmm?"

"I just can't help myself when I'm around you, Gure-San." Ayame said truthfully, smiling a beatific smile at the dark haired Inu. Shigure bowed like an over the top actor accepting an Oscar before sweeping out the door, his kimono whipping after him like Batman's Cape. (Readers: WTF?)

Ayame rolled over and faced away from the door, curling his bare legs around one another beneath the sheets. It was only then that he really noticed that it was Shigure's bed he was in. He guessed it hadn't really come as a shock since he had slept in it so many times before. But never naked! At least, not on purpose. Did that mean Shigure was going to have to sleep elsewhere, or was he intending on sharing the same bed that night?

Blush.

Another thought made its appearance, pushing the other one into the background as it claimed the spotlight. Had he been in the bed the whole time, or only _after _he had made the change back to human form? The idea that Shigure had actually carried him to his bed naked, like a bride on her wedding night made him blush again. At this rate his cheeks were going to fall off. Sure they had been friends their entire lives, but it was not as though they had spent most of said lives romping about together in the nude, despite what weird fanfiction authors said. (Including this one.) Well... maybe when they were kids, but that was beside the point! Things had changed since then! Many things and not all of them physical either. Ayame's feelings had changed, for which he was glad to say. If he had looked at Shigure this way when he was a kid people might have thought he was weird or something. 

Ayame also had to wonder why it was that Shigure hadn't dressed him when he had changed back. He had plenty of spare stuff, and while most of it admittedly was not to Ayame's taste he could have stomached wearing some of it for a night. To be honest, the whole situation seemed kind of shady to him... a fact he was enjoying quite well. Still, he felt it appropriate to mention it to Shigure when he entered the room a few minutes later with the tea, face cloth and pill packet. (Not to be confused with 'The Pill.') 

"Your clothes were soaking wet by the time I got to you." Shigure explained as he helped Ayame sit up. "And from my own experience with fevers I used my awesome powers of deduction to deduce that from your hot and sweaty appearance that you were in fact – hot and sweaty!!" He raised a finger in the air and posed as though the universe was supposed to applaud his brilliance. When no clapping was detected (Though there was a funny cricket noise) he continued on. "Therefore I thought that if I dressed you, the clothing might make you even more agitated then you already are. You can at least cool down a bit first and if you feel cold later I can get you something to wear."

__

'At this rate, I'm never going to cool down...' Ayame thought, accepting the delicate china cup from Shigure. _'I'm more likely to go into meltdown then I am cool down.' _

His explanation made a little too much sense though and Ayame couldn't help but grin at the Inu through the steam rising from his cup.

"Gure-San doth protest too much, methinks." He teased, taking a tentative sip of the tea. Shigure usually did an abysmal job of making it, but it actually tasted all right to the snake's surprise. He suspected Tohru had left instructions on a little place card before she had left that night. "If you wanted to see me naked Shigure, all you had to do was ask."

Shigure laughed gaily and waved his hand from the wrist. It was a campyish little motion that he was renowned for, that the author just had to add, for no justifiable reason. Only that she liked seeing him do it.

"I know that Aya! But where's the challenge in that? Oh, hey by the way, take these will you?"

He held out the pill packet, allowing two small white capsules to be deposited into Ayame's palm. He regarded them apprehensively. 

"Hey, what's with the face? Geez, you'd think I was slipping you bloody narcotics or something. It's just some cold and flu tablets, nothing that exotic." Shigure assured, laying the facecloth down across the top of Ayame's head. "It won't make you gain any weight either. Ayame... your incredibly vain, you know that? I wouldn't give you anything that would endanger those slender little hips of yours, I swear!"

He looked undeniably delicious at that moment, saying those words. Ayame could even swear, he saw Shigure's eyes stray to the lip of the sheets that barely concealed his narrow hips and thighs from sight. But then again... it could just have been innocent... not that this was a word one usually attached Shigure with.

Ayame smiled, brushing a strand of hair from his face as he swallowed the pill. Despite how nauseous he felt, he couldn't deny that he was also enjoying the situation he was in. To the heights in which their flirting transcended. It was risky, almost... dangerous. But very sensually so.

"I can't believe you asked about Hari the moment you woke up."

Ayame glanced over in shock as Shigure teasingly shook his head, a huge grin marring his features. A playful expression it was one, which meant he was gearing up for a good round of tormenting. 

"I feel like such a third wheel whenever Hatori comes into the equation. And you—" He chortled, poking Ayame in the shoulder as he smiled unmercifully. "You go to water every time he's around! _Oh Hari ~!_" He spoke the last line in a teasing Ayame like voice of admiration, how a teenage girl might speak about their favorite pop star. Ayame was flabbergasted.

"It's not like that Gure! It's because I admire him!" He wiggled down further into the blankets a pouty look on his pretty face. "You've always been bad at reading signals..."

"Would you just admit already that you have a crush on the guy?" Shigure flopped onto his back on the bed, flicking Ayame's straight nose with his finger. "It's better to get it out into the open ~!" He sang.

"I don't have a crush on Hari! Where did you get an idea like that?!" Ayame cried emotionally. "I don't look at him like that, you misread the whole thing!"

"You'll feel better once you admit it. It's not good to keep things bottled up inside, y'know?"

"That would imply I have feelings about Hari bottled up inside, which I do not! Jesus Christ Shigure, even if I did what would come of it? He's straight!"

"Okay, okay I'm sorry don't have a cry over it!" Shigure laughed, rolling over onto his side and resting his head on the palm of his hand. "You're not mad at me are you?"

Ayame grumbled something incoherent and sipped his tea. He wasn't in the mood to joke around about such personal issues about who his romantic feelings towards someone. Especially since the person who was teasing him about being in love with someone else was actually the one he was in love with. 

"...No... I'm not mad at you, Gure..." He said finally. Shigure smiled and leaned up to ruffle his hair, knowing it was bound to annoy Ayame even more.

"Oh... by the way Aya, I should tell you... I spoke to Yuki when I called _Hari_..." Ayame glanced up, distracted from his thoughts by the look on Shigure's face. It seemed a tad too somber for his liking. "It seems he ran into Kyou whilst he was heading back and found out about you being here... So the, um, two of them are staying at the main house."

Ayame blinked, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. Nothing short of Armageddon could force Yuki to return to the main house; he had said as much himself. But could he have really wanted to avoid his brother so much that he would go back on his word? Was Ayame even scarier then the thought of a giant asteroid flying through space on a collision course with the earth? Was he?

"He... he went ba...?"

"Well 'they' said and I quote; "I'd risk molestation at the hands of Kagura any day then deal with that idiot for a night" and also "Even Akito would be better company then that snake." Shigure said tactfully, obviously so concerned about how this was going to make his friend feel.

His last comment had been too cutting. How could Yuki say that?! Of all the comparisons to make, why did it have to be that one? Why?! Akito was an evil bastard who got his jollies whipping people! How could Yuki prefer being around him, to his brother who loved him? It didn't make any sense!

Ayame lowered his teacup into his lap an expression on his face like someone had run over his dog. And considering who his dog is you just know the agony he must have been feeling.

"He... really said that?"

"Yes... but I get the feeling he won't actually be spending any time with Akito if that's what you're worried about. He came down with another fever and had to be isolated, so says Hatori. Anyway, Yuki will be spending the night in Haru's room. (Cue disturbing fanfic.) I think it's the kind of opportunity Haru's been waiting for since the moment he met Yuki!" Shigure chuckled lightly, an indication that Ayame was welcome to join in. When he didn't, the Inu allowed some concern to creep into his quirky voice. "Don't worry about what they said Aya. Yuki's just a kid and he's been under a lot of stress lately. It's just that, for whatever the reason, be it clashing personality traits, you just tend to stress him out even more. You're just two different people that's all."

"He didn't have to say it like that though..." Ayame grumbled, looking as though he couldn't figure out whether to cry, sulk or chuck a temper tantrum. He settled for a pouty expression as he sipped his tea. "Though I may deserve it for how I treated him in the past, my actions towards him do not compare to his treatment at the hands of Akito, not at all!" He lowered his head, his long hair falling across his face, disguising his eyes from sight. "Not... at all..."

Shigure watched him for a moment, wondering just what it was that could get his usually cheerful friend so melancholic. It just wasn't like him to get miserable so easily, to give up... The fever may have been part of the problem, but he sensed there was something a little more to it then that. Something Ayame wasn't saying, that he chose instead to hide. This also wasn't like him, to keep things to himself...

Sighing, Shigure sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around Ayame's shoulders and pulling him close so his head rested against his shoulder. He half expected his friend to burst into tears, like he had that time they watched _Lassie_. But he remained completely silent, apart from the occasional sniff and intake of breath.

"No. No he didn't." Shigure agreed, placing his other hand on the lump in the blanket created by the rise of Ayame's... knee. (You thought I was going to say something else didn't you? God you people are sick!) "But he's still only young, Aya. Young people tend to say things without thinking of the hurtful inflections of their words. Whatever Yuki's motive of staying at the main house, you can't blame that on yourself anymore. What's done is done and you are doing your very best to mend the damage you know you have caused in the past. Now Yuki has a responsibility to do the same, whether it be for himself or for you. Aya..." Shigure's fingers came up and teased through the loose tresses of the snake's hair that clung to his bare shoulders, each rising and falling in time with the inhalation of each breath. "You can't change who you are. (Note: This is an Oscar scene. Expect to see Shigure accepting the award at the next Academy Awards Ceremony.) And I wouldn't want you to. You spend too much of your time wishing to have the good qualities that you see in other people. So much, that you completely miss the fact that the ability to admit that, to look at other people like that is in itself an admirable quality. Ayame, you wouldn't be who you are, if you were any different to _how_ you are. It's what makes the individual after all and what fun would it be if you were like _Hari_?" He said the name with that same teasing tone again. Ayame just grunted into his chest. "You're pretty good the way you are now Aya... just the way you are. _I _wouldn't want you to change to suit anyone else. I'd have no fun hanging out with two Hatori's! So... I guess what I mean is that... maybe you can just stay you, for _me_... you know?"

Ayame suddenly felt bashful, though it was kind of hard to define why. He'd been waiting years for someone to tell him that; that he was just fine the way he was. He'd always been confident, there was no doubt about that, but part of this egotism was merely a defense mechanism. It was his survival autopilot, to keep from getting depressed at how other people viewed him, no matter how he acted. From the day he had been born, Ayame had only always ever been the snake; the older brother of Yuki Sohma; the rat. He had discovered a long time ago, that being eccentric was the only way he would not be forgotten. If he jumped in everyone's faces 24/7; people would have no other choice but to acknowledge him. It had also been effective enough as a way to keep people at a distance. 

Arrogant, egotistical Ayame... But the fact that Shigure had complimented his personality... it felt like for the first time he was really being reached. Like he'd finally been seen for who he was. It had been a while since someone had said something that charming to him. To be liked, often meant more to a person then being loved. After all, love could be considered unconditional and these days a little overrated. It took very little effort to 'love' someone, but to 'like' someone... It had been the first time that somebody had said they liked Ayame for who he was. 

He felt his cheeks flush as he looked up into Shigure's eyes, wishing that all it would take was that one look to make him realize. But all he got in return was a smile, not the feeling of his lips on his own. Still, perhaps... it would come in time.

"Oh Gure! Stop it, you're embarrassing me!" He giggled, pushing the Inu's face away with the tips of his fingers. Shigure laughed and placed his hands underneath Ayame's, coaxing the teacup back to his lips.

"Drink up." He ordered as he climbed to his feet. "Are you hungry? Is there anything you'd like me to get you?"

Ayame considered a few inappropriate responses and decided they were better off staying inside of his head. However, there was one option that presented itself and it seemed a lovely way to pass the time.

"Gure! Why don't we have a look at some of our old albums? I don't think we got through them all last time I visited!"

__


	3. With these hands I touch

**__**

The game we play.

DISCLAIMER: I do own Fruits Basket. Yep. I do. I've kept it a secret up until now because I knew that all the other fanfiction writers out there would be jealous of me and probably cry themselves to sleep every night just from the envy alone. And even though I own Fruits Basket, for some reason I bring myself to this website to write fanfiction about it, instead of, I don't know, actually writing up these ideas as actual episodes for the second series. See the ridiculousness of even having to do a disclaimer? No of course I don't bloody own Fruits Basket! If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it, no siree! I'd be making it a reality!

Note: Once more I want to thank everyone for the lovely reviews! (Offers all reviewers zodiac cookies that Kewie made for her.) Okay now my little notes to my reviewers. I have quite a few to address so they're going to go in point form. Here goes:

All reviewers in general: I'm glad you guys have pinpointed a Shigure/Ayame fic that you enjoy reading and I'm pleased I was able to bring you that! ^^ I myself wrote this fic because there was a lack of them so I encourage all Aya/Gure-San fans to power their pens (No, not penis, _pens _don't get excited.) into action and join the campaign! I need something to read too!

Kewie: As always I can rely on you to review my work! ^^ This makes me a very happy lady. Girl you spoil me with all your little gifts! Not that I mind though! Keep em coming!! (Hands Kewie a Shigure and Aya plushie holding hands.) A little sign of appreciation for all the bribes—uh, I mean gifts you've given me!! Thanks a lot!! ^^

ArturwenElf: LOL ^^ Don't worry you don't have to hunt me down and gut me like a fish. It's just hard for me to update lately cause I've been busy with quite a bit of school stuff. You won't have to eat me either, I think you'll be full enough from eating my fanfic and it's fluff. Does your tummy feel okay? I kinda need my fic though so maybe you can vomit it back up so other people can read it too? 

CraZy NeKO-Jin: Glad you're 'Lovin It!' (not to be mixed up with Mc Donald's slogan.) I was really worried that I had made the character's completely OOC and people would write in saying; "But Shenai... Aya wouldn't act that way..." Etc. Ah well, it seems I'm doing an okay job! ^^ Speaking of Macca's I've a craving now...

I wish I could address each of my reviewers and comment on what they've each said but it would take up so much room and that's room that could be filled up with Aya/Gure wangst! Just let it be known I appreciate what all of you have said and in the next chapter I might be able to address those of you I couldn't in this one. You all make this little fic worthwhile in my eyes. Thanks! ^^ (Accepts an Oscar from Ayame whose wiping his eyes and muttering 'Beautiful!' between sobs.) Okay...

With that being said, the note for the following chapter follows: Hmm... a little bit of dirtiness in this chappy, mostly on Aya's behalf. No he doesn't molest Shigure in his sleep or take him against his will. You'll just have to read to find out! Enjoy friends of the Aya/Gure movement and all you other Furuba maniacs! And Joc, you crazy Haru/Yuki fan you get your own special mention! Aren't you a lucky son of a bitch, aye?! 

__

My heart was once just like a home

With many rooms and open doors

And I always let love in

It would change the rooms around and then

Leave them empty

'Till one by one I locked each door

And soon forgot what love was for

But I never gave up hopin'

So I left one door open

In case you found me

So there's a room in my heart for you

If your trust has been stolen too

If you walk softly on this worn out wooden floor

And leave behind you the hurt you've had before

There's a room in my heart for you

We'll paint the walls from blue to white

And set the mood by candlelight 

Together we'll keep out the cold

And I'll still be there when we're old

If you'll let me

So there's a room in my heart for you

If your trust has been stolen too

If you walk softly on this worn out wooden floor

And leave behind you the hurt you've had before

There's a room in my heart for you. ~ Faith Hill.

To wake up one morning and suddenly realize, in those first few fleeting moments of mellowness that you may very well just be the most important person in somebody else's life... It's something, a feeling that we all hope for. No matter who the person may be. Every life wants to be valued and there is no selfishness in such a desire, for that is human nature. It is the primitive feelings we all experience as a child, but try in vain to push to the side as we grow and deny that we may very well still be wanting that attention. Because to feel as though you are special, in such a way that you are valued by someone else over everything else that they know; it's enlightening and healing for the soul. Possibly the greatest thing we creature's could ever know.

Yet it is this very want that does indeed make us selfish. Because people fall in love, inevitably so and in doing so, there remains behind them the bitterness of those around them. Those that are close to them. To gain love, is to lose something else, maybe even the love and loyalty of another. Someone who will not have that love and must lift themselves up from beneath their sadness and endure on as another takes their place; the place in their loved ones heart where they feel they should be.

It was a feeling Ayame knew only too well.

He remembered all too clearly the cold ache of jealousy that he had never been able to lift from his gut, that one terrible day in high school; the day Shigure announced that he'd hooked up with his first girlfriend. Hatori was expected to be as apathetic about it as he was in regards to most issues of romance, but that was because he had no real investment in Shigure's love life, not like Ayame did. He couldn't hide his unhappiness, his jealousy. It swelled within him, rising up on a vast wave of emotions that bubbled at the surface threatening to overflow at any given second. He had wanted nothing more but to run up to Shigure and shake him until his lovesick brain turned to mush. To scream at this goofy chocolate brown eyes; "NO!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!" (Give or take a 'No.') This girl had swept into their lives all in the time it took for Shigure to open his mouth and tell his two closest friends in the world that he was dating someone. Someone who wasn't Ayame. Shigure had not a clue what was going on behind those golden eyes that sat behind deep dark lashes on a boy that could only smile and nod his head. Seemingly a cheerful boy, who couldn't be happier that his best friend, had found someone to be with. Not a jealous man who was conjuring up multiple ways of breaking the pair up that would have even shocked Akito. No. That smile, that eccentric attitude had done the trick. It had fooled the gullible world once again.

Ayame's feelings for Shigure all those years ago, were hardly even what you would consider 'romantic', but that did not deter from the fact itself, that fact being that Shigure had a girlfriend. That girlfriend would take priority over him from that day onwards until the two of them broke up. He'd hated her. Hated her as passionately as he had ever hated anything; such as his parents for favoring Yuki over him as a child. Maybe he had simply wanted to be the center of everyone's attention all the time, he wasn't sure, he just knew that he hated that feeling of not being valued. It branched out into that area of nothingness; a fear so encompassing that he knew not how to confront it.

No... Ayame didn't necessarily want to be the center of _everyone's _attention. ...Okay, well maybe a _little_... Just a little. But he mainly just wanted to be the most important figure in Shigure's life and until the day he had hooked up with that girl, he felt as though he had been... 

Ayame's world crashed down around him, the day he came to realize that the object of his affections was straight. This posed somewhat of a problem, considering that Ayame's birthright as a member of the male species somewhat left him standing on the sidelines of Shigure's 'Highway of Love' as an observer but never a participator. Though the dog liked to joke around the topic of homo-gay boy relationships he had never actually contemplated one. Even on that one occasion when Ayame had spirited him away to a gay bay and got him drunk (all in the interests of seducing him of course) he never relented. In fact he had spent the whole night whining drunkenly about his ex-girlfriend and then falling into the bar. It had been funny at the time, even more so later on when they were seated in the relative safety of Shigure's lounge room going through all the numbers random guys at the bar had given them. Even with Ayame's prompting to ring them up for a date, Shigure had stated quite blatantly that he wasn't interested. Ayame casually joked that it was because he didn't want to cheat on him and Shigure chuckled earnestly as he agreed. Though, it was quite obvious why he refused to ring any of the guys.

Ayame often concerned himself about Shigure's orientation; wondering if that ruled out any chance of the two of them sharing a future together. He hadn't yet asked him straight out whether or not he was bi-sexual or even, _seriously doubtful for some reason _gay, because he didn't want to hear the answer that might end his infatuation. For now, he could remain content with the mystery.

But such concerns were far from Ayame's mind that night. (Though clearly not from the authors.) He was curled up in Shigure's bed with a hot cup of tea, looking through some old photo albums, whilst the owner of the bed played with his hair distractedly, twisting and looping the long silver tresses up onto the crown of his head and braiding others. Shigure _loved _Ayame's hair. He loved brushing it and weaving out the knots that came with having such long unruly, yet beautiful hair. It was something of a ritual for the pair, something they had done since childhood as a means of bonding. That had been one of the many reason's Ayame had gone to such lengths to keep his hair long during high school, so that the ritual would never be disrupted. It was relaxing to feel those long experienced fingers working through his main of hair and it made him somewhat nostalgic. Amongst other things.

Even though his fever hovered constantly in the background, twisting his gut and occasionally stoking up his fever, he couldn't help but be thankful to it for the situation it had put him in.

To keep these feelings at bay, Ayame turned his attention back to the album perched in his lap, running a long nailed finger over the plastic sheathe that covered the picture of Shigure and his ex. His ex, who had cheated on him two weeks into the relationship and then broke it off with him when he questioned her about it.

"A great turn of events if you ask me, Gure!" Ayame chirped, sipping his tea thoughtfully. "You were much too good for her. She was lucky to have had you for as long as she did. Though it's obvious she has no taste, leaving you for that schmuck in the class above us!" He groaned in distaste and placed his teacup back on the side table.

"Not that I can blame her for breaking up with me. Not really." Shigure said, twisting a piece of Ayame's hair around on his index finger before clipping it to the crown of his head. "I couldn't get intimate with her, not in the way she would have liked or I would have risked giving away the 'Big Sohma family secret' Tm." He rolled his eyes to indicate exactly what he thought of the 'Big Sohma family secret' Tm and set to work braiding a small section of Ayame's hair.

Aya flipped the page of the album and came across a picture he would rather have had never come home from the photo shop. He tried to quickly turn the page so that Shigure wouldn't see and give him a hard time about it, but as luck would have it, he wasn't near quick enough.

"Wasn't that the idiot you were dating around the same time?" Came his friend's husky voice from somewhere behind his ear. "What was his name again? Rocky? Rokao?"

"Rokuro." Ayame corrected, nodding slightly to confirm that yes, this was said idiot. "Don't worry, Shigure! I only dated him to make you jealous!" He said truthfully, though in the same joking manner he always adopted, so that his friend wouldn't catch on.

He didn't. Doofus.

Shigure smiled gently as he buried his chin into the groove of his friend's shoulder, staring at him from the corner of his eyes. Suddenly his arms were around him, squeezing his center so tightly it was a wonder his body didn't snap in two. Shigure had a tendency to get a little, uh... violent with his affections. Not that Ayame minded of course. 

"I'm sure you did." Shigure said, in response to his friend's statement. He relaxed his arms allowing Ayame to breathe again and then returned to his hair. "But you really didn't need to go to all that trouble. Honestly Aya, you could have done much better."

Ayame raised an eyebrow, not so much in response to this poke at his ex boyfriend, but at Shigure's suggestion that he could have done better. It was flattering in a way... The snake tilted his head back, allowing the length of his hair to brush the top of the bedspread and by extension, Shigure's legs that were crossed atop it.

"Why is it that you didn't like him, Gure-San?" He asked innocently as his friend finished with his hair and sprawled across the base of the rumpled bed a hand thrown disdainfully across his forehead. "I mean... he was nice enough. Very cute..."

Shigure ignored the subtle poke in his ribs demonstrated by Ayame's elbow and rolled on his side so he faced his friend, head crooked up on the flat of his hand. He gave a rather mellow shrug of his broad shoulders. 

"It wasn't that I didn't like him, Aya. I... I just didn't like him for you."

Ayame cocked an eyebrow smartly, not exactly clear on where Shigure was coming from. It sounded as though _he _had been jealous of his relationship with Rokuro, which was of course ridiculous. Shigure wasn't like him; he always knew what he wanted and he went after it, with no concern as to what anyone else around him thought. There had to be another reason.

"Since when did you care who I dated?" Ayame asked, lazing back against the pillows and reapplying the drying facecloth across the top of his head. "The others following Rokuro were of no concern to you. It was only with him that you developed a fine attitude problem of Kyou proportions with."

Shigure seemed to consider this. He clambered to his feet and stretched, lazing one arm casually over his opposite shoulder and grasping the wrist with his free hand, pulling down hard on it. Ayame winced at the sharp popping noise that issued from the Inu's back. He hated it when Shigure did that; it really was quite disgusting and, as his health teacher had been found of saying, 'Not at all good for the vertebra.' It would be Shigure's fault if he ended up with back problems in his old age and Ayame would be damned to Hell, if he was going to spend his retirement sitting around listening to the Great Novelist reminisce about the old days when he could walk without a Zima frame.

Unless of course Hari was dead.

"Well..." Shigure finally said after a minute of silence (and back popping.) "I suppose... because he was your first. Maybe I was a little jealous... and you know, it wasn't like he was very polite to me and Hari you know."

"Uh, uh, uh!" Ayame tsked, waving a finger to and fro. "Really Shigure and you call yourself a Master Novelist? 'Me and Hari?' God forbid, it's 'Hari and I!' I thought your grammar skills had improved since the third grade!" He chuckled a little at Shigure's perturbed expression, then waved a hand to show that he was just kidding. "I know he wasn't very polite to the two of you. It was one of the major reasons I broke up with him you see?"

Shigure nodded thoughtfully as though something suddenly made sense to him and wandered over to his wall cabinet where he began fussing with something unseen. 

"I see... and though I just know I'm going to regret asking... what was the other major reason?"  
Ayame suddenly became bashful and raked his hand through his hair, meeting resistance from Shigure's handiwork. 

"I uh... might have well... you know?" He scratched his chin thoughtfully and sighed reluctantly. "Made something of a derogatory comment about the size of his... um... you know... _boys _when we slept together."

The peace of the night was suddenly and inexplicably shattered by the sound of something tumbling to the floor. The noise was loud and echoed around the room for the following minute. Shigure dove to the floor, in pursuit of the plastic dish he had been cleaning and dropped at what Ayame had said. The plate was rolling across the floor like a runaway hubcap and seemed intent on eluding Shigure's grasp for as long as possible. Ayame watched in amusement as his friend chased the dishware around the room in relentless circles, until he was finally able to snatch it up as it collided with the side of the bed and toppled on it's side. That was the great thing about visiting Shigure's place; you were always guaranteed free entertainment.

Shigure straightened up, his face a lovely shade of puce and the plate clenched between taut fingers. Aya couldn't help but smile, wondering why he was so worked up. Honestly. It was like he was still under the innocent idealistic notion that Ayame was still a virgin. Poor little Inu.

"Gure?" He asked, trying unsuccessfully to contain the amusement in his voice. "Are you okay? You look a little flushed..."

In response to this, Shigure rotated the plate in his hands, keeping his eyes focused on the elaborate patterns that adorned its edges. His mouth felt inclined to move independently for him, making peculiar gold fish shapes that produced little more then a mumbling sound. This was a first in Shigure history.

"Y-You... really had... _sex _with that guy?!" He finally spluttered, staring wide eyed over the plate's rim. Ayame, suddenly ashamed of his nudity, slid down into the blankets, pulling them up to cover half his face. Golden eyes surveyed Shigure's stunned expression over the fabric.

"Well... yes... I don't see what the big deal is, Gure." He murmured, slightly muffled due to the constraint of the sheets. "Though I must admit, it wasn't nearly as tender as I would have liked, especially for my first time. A montage of grunts, groans and a bit of sweat does not sex make! Especially when he had a habit of following said up with an inappropriate display of course language, pleading for various sexual performances or requests that one was not prepared to demonstrate. If you catch my drift?"

"Eruh!" Shigure cried intelligently, slamming the disk against his head. May I once again draw your attention to the fact that it is a _plastic _plate, and therefore the impact with his cranium did not cause it to shatter and render him unconscious. He just developed quite a nasty bump the following day. "Now I _really _hate the guy!! How could you do that with him, Ayame Sohma?! You weren't even legal!"

"Like that would stop you." Aya muttered, fiddling distractedly with the gold hoop in his right ear. "Besides... I was horny! What else could you expect from me?"

"A little bit of self respect, for a start! And for the record, you're always horny, being 17 had nothing to do with it."

"That's a harsh thing to say. The pot calling the kettle black, hmm?"

Shigure slammed the plate back into its frame, almost breaking it with his recklessness and turned back to his friend, hands set firmly against his hips.

"Don't turn this around on me just because you can't keep your legs closed." He said in a tone very unlike Shigure. It was near to disgust. " I at least had the dignity not to throw myself at anyone because I was craving attention. Talking about it at length is one thing; acting on those impulses is completely another. I honestly thought you had more respect for yourself then that."

Ayame spluttered in astoundment, throwing the sheets down to his waist and sitting up. He didn't care how ill he felt or how much of him was exposed to Shigure. All he could feel was the thin cold tendrils snaking through his mind, warning him against whatever words were to be said in the following conversation. It was nearing the danger zone and Ayame was ready to push it right over the thresh-hold.

"If you've got something to say Shigure, say it." He drawled his voice low and silky. This was always a bad sign. When Ayame got angry, he tended to lower his tone instead of raising it, speaking as though tissue paper covered the very interior of his throat. It was the hiss of a snake preparing to strike, the venom poised on the tips of its teeth as it rose to defend itself. The warning rattle of it's tail the slitted curvature of its eyes narrowing dangerously. Shigure knew this and yet he resisted the temptation that told him to keep his words locked behind his lip's, compressed to his mind alone, where no one else could be hurt by them. He rubbed his forehead, very aware of where this turn of events would lead them. He didn't want to fight with Ayame, not with him feeling the way he was right now, but it seemed unavoidable in light of what he had already said. Might as well put the icing on the cake and add the cherry.

"Ayame... you're one of my closest friends, Hell I'd probably go as far to say that you're my best friend, ever since we've been in diapers. After all the shit we've endured together I think our bond is fairly solid and I love you man... but GOD you didn't make it easy for me at times!" Shigure plonked himself down on the edge of the bed, crossing his legs beneath him and resting his hands in his lap. "I never said anything at school because you and Hari were all I had. The thought of losing either of you made me so heart sore that I couldn't bear to imagine it. Which is why I would put up with _anything_ no matter how I felt about it. Though it was a real struggle at times to keep my mouth shut. As you would know."

Ayame lowered his eyes to the blankets before him and creased the folds between his fingers. He didn't think that he had ever done anything to hurt either of his friends; on the contrary he thought he had been particularly careful _not _too. This did little to ease the guilty feeling that stirred through his gut like a spoon through whipped cream. (This also did little to help the author's appetite but let's not go there.)

"What do you mean? What did I ever do that was so... bad?"

"You just... didn't..." And this time it was Shigure who seemed to struggle, clenching his fists against the blankets as though grinding a stone between his fingers. "You didn't respect yourself, Aya!! You were fun and fantastic to be with and I enjoyed every second we spent together, but you would so willingly throw me over as soon as some pretty face looked your way! I mean, I hate to sound immature about this Aya, but I've been stewing over it for years now! It made me... so damn mad..."

" 'As soon as some pretty face looked my way?!' Well excuuuu~uuuse me, Mr. High School girls, but I wasn't the erratic cheerleader chaser was I?" Ayame snapped, jerking forward so hard and fast (Don't get excited, this isn't a lemon yet folks) the facecloth plopped into his lap. "Are you trying to say that was the _only _reason for this whole debacle? Seriously? Christ, I thought I had done something bad!" As though he had suddenly gotten the pun of an extremely good joke, Ayame tilted back and dissolved into peels of laughter, falling into the pillows and rolling sideways, legs pulled up to his chest. Shigure naturally, looked rather offended.

"Maybe it seems funny to you, Aya, but I don't think you are quite aware of how much it hurt my feelings!" He sulked like a whiny adolescent who wasn't allowed to go to the prom. "Don't laugh at me like that! It isn't funny!"

"Oh, but Shigure! Don't you see, it is?!" The snake chuckled, crawling down the bed and leaning his head against his friend's rigid shoulder. Ayame's own still convulsed with laughter. "The sweet irony of this whole situation is that I used to run off to talk to other people when I thought you were ignoring me!" He laughed a little more and looped his arms through Shigure's, cuddling them to his chest. "So I know that you weren't actually ignoring me at all! You just thought that- - YAY! I'm so happy!!" (Yep. The medication's kicked in folks.)

"You serious?" Shigure asked, glancing down at his suddenly cheerful friend. Ayame nodded way too happily.

"Mmhmm! As you see all we've had here is a simple case of 'misinterpretation.'" He chirped, liking how smart the word made him sound. "I'm glad we're still friends you big palooka! Gimme a cuddle!!"

Shigure's face split into his familiar wide grin as he looped his arm around Ayame's head and gave his already ruffled hair a good tousling. Then he smacked him on the forehead. ...With his lips. (I can see all you Yaoi fans sitting up straight now.) 

"Ah Aya!" He laughing, resting his arm around his shoulders comfortably and pulling him close. "You're crazy, you're ridiculous and you're damn near insane, but I love ya!"

Ayame's whole world came grinding to halt when those lips met his forehead; the moisture remaining even after Shigure had pulled away and was laughing through them. (Author just visualized Ayame and Shigure singing the 'Elephant Love Medley' from Moulin Rouge to one another. I don't see why that is worth mentioning but visualize it for me and then you might understand. ^^;;; Moving on now...) It was a nice turn of events considering that it was usually him who kissed his friends on the forehead or cheek. Shigure usually liked to keep such personal gesture's at a distance, opting to wave to a friend as a farewell instead. So the fact that he had done that just now, it was somewhat outside of his usual range. Not that Ayame was complaining.

Shigure grinned broadly and lifted his arm away to the snake's disappointment. "Not that I mind Aya, but you might want to put some clothes on. You wouldn't want _Hari _to get jealous now would you?"

Ayame whacked Shigure with his pillow, sending feathers flying up into the air from the impact. (Well... Shigure does have a pretty hard head...) The Inu laughed playfully as he ducked away and rolled over to his closet, flinging the door open with flair as though he were presenting it's contents to the Queen. He ran a hand downwards through the air and bowed over so low that his nose nearly scraped the floor. My word he must be flexible. Ayame immediately had dirty thoughts. So did the readers. You sick bastards.

"Your highness, though my closet may appear humble to the naked eye (No pun intended) I am sure there may just be something amongst my insignificant rabble that should appease you." He drawled in a bad English accent, waving his hand about extravagantly. "After all, the night draws near and it is not this author's custom to let such a pretty face freeze to death in the cruel cold that lurks beneath every door crevice, every window gap, every loose floor board, every broken door- -"

"Thankyou, thankyou Gure-San," Ayame gushed, trying to keep the topic of the splintered door out of his fevered mind. There was only so much he could feel guilty about in one night and right now he felt as though that should be the impure thoughts he was entertaining that had everything to do with Shigure. Ayame pulled the sheets back over himself, trying to hide his gradually hardening desire from sight as he surveyed the novelists closet with a critical eye. Finally he settled on something that wasn't too offensive to the fashion industry; a simple white kimono very similar to his own, only not nearly as white. God knows what had happened to it but Ayame wasn't prepared to wager a guess. There were some things that were better off remaining a mystery and this was one of them.

Shigure plucked the kimono and it's hanger from the closet with all the precision of a butler and made a big show of dusting it's dirty surface before handing it to Ayame. The snake wrinkled his nose in response to its equally wrinkled appearance but decided now was not the time to be fussy. His erection was becoming quite difficult to hide with only the thin sheets to conceal it and even the pillow was becoming an inadequate disguise. It was all to painful trying to keep it pressed down over his lap. Damn Shigure and his damn... sexiness! Damn this fever that kept him stapled to the bed! And damn Shigure's damnable straightness and naivete! 

Ayame snatched at the kimono and ripped it from Shigure much more roughly then he intended. His friend's eyes widened disapprovingly, as though Ayame were a little boy refusing to eat his broccoli. (Which actually isn't that bad. I don't see what everyone's making such a fuss over.) 

"Steady on." He scolded as the tailor slipped his arms through the sleeves with not nearly as much grace as his first appearance and climbed to his feet, facing away from Shigure as the tied the cord around his waist. "You don't have to get stroppy with me, you know. I'm sorry about that stuff I said before... is that what you're mad about?"

__

I've got a fucking erection you twit! Ayame thought dryly, looking down at his waist with thorough scrutiny. _How would you feel if I turned around with this pointing at you?_

Instead of this though, Ayame simply shook his head and smiled over his shoulder, his face a rather fetching shade of pink.

"I have to go to the toilet, Gure..." He said softly, moving sideways towards the door as though doing some strange shuffling crab dance. It looked as odd as it sounds. "I'll be back in a flash!"

Shigure watched in astonishment as his friend continued to edge towards the door, still facing the wall as though it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Naturally, he didn't see where he was going and bumped into the doorframe. (This reminds me of a joke a friend told me about a man going out a plane door sideways. Let's just say he was going to Bangkok. _^) 

"Ow...." Ayame gritted his teeth very visibly as pain shot up from his groin and slammed his senses with the force of a sledgehammer. There were more painful things in life he was sure, but right now he was pressed to think of what they were.

"Uh... Aya?" Shigure ventured as his friend jumped lightly up and down on his toes, for what reason he could not tell. Lucky in Ayame's case... in one way, not in another.

"Headache... Gure... Could you get me... another pill?" Ayame hissed trying to keep from screaming out loud. He resumed his passage towards the bathroom, edging along with his toes angled inwards. "Just... toilet... or I'll wet myself... you know?" _In a sense _he thought, now running from the knee's down. Shigure was about to stop him, as he was heading for the bathroom and not the lavatory but decided he should be able to figure out his mistake as soon as he burst in the wrong door. The Inu shook his head as he headed to the kitchen to fetch another aspirin. Poor Aya... his fever was making him act even more peculiar then usual...

Ayame slammed open the bathroom door and quickly locked it behind him. Had he have been feeling well, he might have allowed himself the luxury of falling to his knee's and screaming for all it was worth. Damn that was painful! But it was his own damn fault for getting hard in the first place, he supposed, shrugging off the kimono and allowing it to fall in rippling waves to the floor. No... that wasn't entirely true. It was Shigure. He was infatuated with him... he knew this now, better then ever before. He wanted him, this want possessed him such as nothing ever had and it wasn't fair. Maybe it never would be.

Ayame sighed and tossed his hair as he climbed into the bath, lowering his body down to the porcelain surface. Had he believed in soul mate's he would honestly say Shigure was his. That bond he felt... so strong. As though it had grown and matured through centuries of lifetimes the two of them had shared together. As friends, relatives... maybe even as lovers once upon a time. But those lives were over; if they even existed in the first place. And if they did, then Shigure and Ayame were here again living because they had failed to get something right all those times before. Could it be that love? This love of his that he just couldn't deny, couldn't hide nor run from. Was that love never recognized in all those lives they had lived?

Ayame felt tears in his eyes again and angrily pushed them aside. Crying would do the situation no good. He had no right to cry if he lacked the courage to tell Shigure just what those tears stemmed from. What a coward he was... to hide like this, as though the man he loved most in the world would grind these feelings beneath his heel as though they were nothing. 

Nothing... he didn't want his life, nor his love to mean nothing. God dammit he didn't want this fear...

Holding back his thoughts, Ayame raised his hips positioning his burning desire beneath the tap and twisting the cold tap with cruel determination. The freezing water stung, though not nearly as much as his heart did, nor the tears in his eyes. 

A little cold was nothing.

Nothing.

The bonds tightened around his wrists, pulling his arms back hard against the bounds of their sockets, tearing into his delicate skin. Ayame bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood as his head smacked into the wall behind him. The dark figure's circled him; hand's clasped to one another's as they sang something in thick rapid Japanese. Their eyes obscured beneath layers of thick black hair gave him no indication of their emotions nor their intentions. As cold as robots and just as calculating these people whispered their dark words, circling him... always circling hour after hour. Four similar robed figures stood to each side of the wall Ayame was tied to, hands clasped around a thick length of rope. They too chanted and at the end of every verse, they drew those ropes tighter and tied them off. The ropes were anchored to Ayame's wrists, his ankles and his neck. The force from each tug smashed his head back against the wall, drew his limbs to the edge of their limits until at last, the bones would pop, the skin would tear, and he would die. 

Torn to pieces.

Out of the shadows another figure materialized, a white light glowing from beneath it's hood where a person's face would normally be. Its breath stank of death and its voice rang from within its chest like glass scraped against the expanse of a chalkboard. Ayame shuddered against his bounds; blood mingled with sweat and saliva as its voice reached his ears and clawed right within them.

"You are ours to kill Ayame Sohma..." It hissed as the robed figure's tugged mercilessly on those robes again. "In our darkness, you are ours to kill... scream and create our music. Bleed and quench our thirst. Die... and give us life..."

As it said this, two clawed hands extended from the sleeves of its robes and gripped the hem of its hood pulling it back. Light flooded forth from that black space and then Ayame did scream. And what music it was... what music it was...

"Ah!" Ayame exclaimed jerking awake and trying to sit up. He was constrained by something around his waist and in fear of the dream, he gripped it expecting to touch a rope's knotty surface. Imagine his surprise when his fingers clasped around a warm arm, dappled with dark hair and the odd freckle. He knew this arm. This was Shigure's arm.

And it was around his waist.

All thoughts of the nightmare were immediately pushed to the side as the reality flooded his senses. That's right. Shigure wouldn't hear of letting Ayame sleep in one of the other boy's beds, no siree. He was staying right there in his bed where it was already warm whilst the novelist would bunk down in Yuki's bed for the night. Ayame had been disappointed at first, wanting nothing more then to snuggle close to the one whom he adored whilst he slept, but figured it might be a good idea considering his previous embarrassing debacle. Though he distinctly remembered falling asleep alone earlier and he figured he would notice if Shigure put his arms around him whilst he was awake. Oh yeah, he would notice all right. Shigure must have snuck back in after Ayame was asleep and slipped in alongside him, unnoticed. Until now that is.

Ayame wasn't surprised really. Shigure always had trouble sleeping in other people's beds, he said it gave him neck aches because no one else's pillows were positioned the way his were or something like that. He obviously hadn't seen the harm in this, considering the multitude of times the two of them had shared a bed together before without anything too terrible happening. (If you didn't count the time Shigure farted and pulled Ayame's head under the duvets but that's a whole different can of worms.) But Shigure had never put his arm around him before! It was usually the other way around as every Fruits Basket fan will remember in his first appearance. Poor Kyou. Ayame couldn't help it though. He got cuddly in the morning, _clingy _almost especially when he was upset or scared. Though he had a nice big fluffy dog plushie at home he could cuddle up to at moments like these. But right now... all he had was the dog Jyuunishi.

... It would do.

The dream had troubled him... it had seemed so real and the very essence almost appeared to hover about the room, clinging to the shadows in each dark corner and leering down at him. It might have been brought about by the fever, such as the previous flashback dream he had been forced to endure. Though this had to be ten times's worse then that one. It was awful. He had felt so alone... so utterly frightened. Right now, he just wanted to be close to someone, no matter what might be thought of him.

So, with that in mind, Ayame swiveled in Shigure's arms and shuffled forward, wrapping his arms around his back and pulling the length of their bodies together. The warmth and contact worked to calm him and he rested his head on the curve of his friend's shoulder, pressing his face to the side of his neck. Doing so enabled him to feel the subtle movements of his breaths, sliding in and out of his throat and it was wonderful. Ayame closed his eyes, trying to block out the nightmares stale taste and focus on nothing other then Shigure. He lightly traced the Inu's toned back, fingernails teasing across the muscle sleepily, yet more awake then he had been in a long time. 

"...Scared Shigure..." He whispered, knowing his friend wouldn't hear the words. "Scared of everything... that dream... mine and Yuki's relationship... how I feel when I'm with you... Just so scared..." He pressed his face deep into Shigure's skin, kissing the soft flesh as hard as he dared. God he wanted him so badly... to wake him up and hold him, to make that fear go away. But he couldn't bear to wake him. Neither from sleep, nor from the idealic naivete that he lived each and every day. Shigure was so happy... would he want to disrupt that happiness in any way? No. He wouldn't dare.

"Shigure... I don't know what to do anymore... it's like everything's so... empty. Nothing makes... sense..." Tears rolled down Ayame's cheeks, pressed against Shigure's neck as it rose and fell with each little intake of breath. "I want you to tell me what to do... because I don't know where to start or how to change." He was sobbing quietly now as he ensnared Shigure to him, hands stroking his back and gripping his shoulders with ruthless affection. "Tell... me what to... do, please... Because I... I only count on you to be there for me. ...Everything in my life's changed for the worst... friends leave me, lovers leave me... even family leaves... yet you remain the single unchanging continuity that I depend on so much. Shigure... I love you so much. Can't you see that? Or... won't you ever see it?"

The sleeping Inu had no reply, only a shift in his sleep that turned his body away from Ayame to face the opposite direction. For a moment Ayame thought that he had actually heard everything but Shigure's immediate snoring soon assured him that it was simple coincidence.

Not content to face away, he shuffled as close as he could and slipped his arms around his friends waist, trailing one hand up the Inu's chest to touch the hot flesh concealed beneath a thin layer of robe. Ayame rested his head against the back of Shigure's neck, kissing the darker skin softly as he lay himself into the pillows, inhaling the scent of his hair as he did. He tried to pretend as though they actually were lovers, drifting off to sleep after a particularly good love making session. He almost managed to convince himself too. It's amazing what a good imagination can do. Hey, that sorta rhymes!

"Good night lover..." Ayame whispered as he closed his eyes and allowed his body to feel against him what his eyelids now obscured. "Sweet dreams."


	4. Blind Man's bluff

**__**

The game we play.

DISCLAIMER: What a wonderful world it would be if I owned Fruits Basket. Because if I did Aya and Gure would be boffing, Tohru would be dead and Akito would be the main character. That's why I don't own the show and therefore don't have the chance to completely screw it up. So rest safely world!! ^^

Note: I want you all to know that I am a nice person. One of the nicest you can meet actually. The only person I've ever heard of who is nicer then me is Tohru and that's telling you something. In fact, I'm so nice that if a reviewer has a problem with how I write my fic I will _absolutely _alter the story to fit the reviewers standards while compromising my own. Because that's my aim in life; to bend over backwards every time someone makes a request.

Just had to get that out of my system.

Having said that now, Gami, I understand where you are coming from and can see why my little 'author notes' would be a pain. But what I don't get is why you had to force yourself to read it. As far as I know I didn't send Akito over there with a gun to hold to your head and force you to finish the lot on pain of death did I? Granted that you like this coupling and you want to know how it pans out, I can see why you would. To the best of my knowledge, there are no other serious Gure/Aya fics out there and certainly none in chapters with a sequel in the works! Therefore I think I have a write to mutilate my story and annoy my readers as much as I like since there is no alternative other then Aya/Hari or Gure/Hari or Aya/Hari/Gure and if you want to read those go right on ahead. Don't let my cliched, annoying writing stop you. But to be fair, I see your point and I must admit I myself would find it annoying if I wanted to settle into the right mood of the story and a stupid comment, with no relevance at all to what is happening and isn't even really funny, is slipped in there at an inappropriate moment. It's really kind of a pain in the ass. I'm not mad at what you said, since you are an Ayame/Shigure fan and they are the only kinds of reviewers who I will allow to give me constructive criticism without me swearing my head off at them. Therefore, to be fair no more author notes will appear in the following two chapters. However most of my readers so far have liked these notes and now I'm getting rid of them and _they'll _get pissed off at me. So really, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. But I can see where you're coming from and that's why I'm taking it into account. Thank you very much and hope you all enjoy the next chapter! ^^

Additional note: The fifth chapter, I'm sorry to say can not be displayed on fanfiction.net. It will however be up soon, on Adultfanfiction.net so if you want to read it, do a search and look up Ayame and Shigure and you should find it. If not, tell me off in my reviews and I'll find a better way of directing you all to it!! ^^ Yeah, sorry I know the fifth chapter's meant to be here but it's way too dirty. ^^;;; That could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the reader. Oh and ArturwenElf; thanks for the Aya plushie!! (Squeezes it happily whilst Shigure jealously looks on in the background.) Don't glare at me like that!! It's not my fault you're a big brickhead! (Okay actually it is, but still...) If you're jealous go hug the real Aya, I'm sure he won't mind! ^^ Seket Ninstuku I love you too! *Hugs Seket happily* Any friend of the Aya/Gure coupling is a friend to moi! Delusional_lady you are not delusional. You are now my friend! *Hugs her too* Thankyou so much for your kind comments! It makes me happy to think that I've written something that people enjoy reading and even regard as something that could possible happen! That was kinda my aim... *Blushes*

And now that all the legal mumbo jumbo's out of the way, enjoy the fic everyone!! 

_I don't know why you're so far away   
But I know that this much is true  
We'll make it through   
And I hope you are the one I share my life with  
And I wish that you could be the one I die with  
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with  
I hope I love you all my life_  
  
_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?  
  
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away  
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today  
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right  
And though I can't be with you tonight  
And know my heart is by your side  
  
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? ~ Daniel Bedingfield._

He dreamt of Shigure in the night that followed.

As the nightmare faded away to a distant mirage and sleep lay itself across his senses, it brought with it a dream as tender as the softest blanket.

Ayame stood on the edge of a great precipice; hair tangled in the winds fingers as they reached down from the auburn sky. He watched himself as though he were someone else; perhaps the wind itself. The Ayame he saw stood still against the backdrop of an ever-circling sky; clouds whipping past as though tugged on a string in the hands of a small child. The wind brought with it, a thick wall of fog that rose up from wherever it was the cliff fell and it washed across the figure on it's tip, claiming him to it's breast. As they finally drew away an inconceivable sight graced the eyes of the Ayame that watched from afar. The version of himself he had seen on the precipice, had now been reduced to a mere child. He saw clearly the way he had once been so many years ago; hair cut to the nape of his neck, his limbs so small and delicate, like that of a doll. There was a blindfold across his eyes and he stood with his hands outstretched before him, fingers working at the air as though trying to draw something to him. The clouds slowed in the sky as time stopped speeding backwards and another figure came into sight, moving towards the cliff's edge.

Shigure. Or at least the child Shigure.

He ran about the blindfolded Ayame, high-pitched giggles echoing around the vast area like the sweet tolling of bells. A soft smile spread across the child Ayame's face as he turned this way and that, trying in vain to find the body of whom the voice belonged to. With a shock, Ayame realized that he was once again recounting the past. Though not in exact detail. The cliff itself had been the concoction of his own exaggerated mind; but the game itself was plucked straight from the past.

Blind man's bluff.

He and Shigure in particular had been very fond of playing it as children, free from the responsibilities that the other zodiac members seemed to invariably suffer. Not them. Their childhood's had been filled with the simplistic innocent happiness that most children became acquainted with so readily and easily. They would often try to include Hatori in their games, but his time was sparring even as a boy. Born possessed of the dragon he was inevitably cursed to learn from very early on, the controls and limitations of his powers; lest he erase someone's memories accidentally. For him, maturity came through nurture, not nature and he had grown up faster then they had. Perhaps in a way he envied them that, for Shigure and Ayame would never truly understand the effect that the curse had on him.

Which was as it should have been.

Life to them was an exciting adventure that grew in majesty day after day after day. Blind Man's bluff had always been particularly fun as it boasted an element of recklessness. The Blind man could so very easily have stumbled over an up raised root, a rock or even a friend's foot should they extend it. Yet the other player would always be there to catch them if something like that should happen. Shigure and Ayame trusted one another, and that trust had true stamina; which was why it has lasted until this very day.

__

What irony though; Ayame would later think to himself, when consciousness would allow his mind free reign of contemplation. _What irony that the game we once played, would so symbolically pertain our life. That in the real life game, Shigure is the blind man and I have bluffed him at every turn. What sweet, sweet irony indeed._

In his dream, Ayame turned and made a false step, fumbling backwards over the cliff. Suddenly, he was transfixed behind his own eyes, no longer watching the scene from far way and he felt real terror gnaw at his veins. His hands fumbled the air, his eyes masked from sight by that damnable mask. He ached to rip it away, but the command never reached his fingers.

A warm hand clasped his own and then, there was someone falling beside him, holding him in a warm embrace as darkness and light blurred together as one colidascope of color. There was no jolt to signal the end of the descent, simply a lack of motion at all and the absence of the mask, clinging to his face. He lay on a broad expanse of grass that stretched out into a never-ending field where one solitary tree remained silhouetted against the blue cloudless sky. It was light, but there was no sun. Shigure lay beside him, a fully-grown man once more and laughing his wild gay laugh as though a million years of tension had just been peeled away. Ayame's hand still gripped his, though very slightly by the fingers. To regain the contact he had felt whilst they had been falling, the snake moved his hand directly into Shigure's palm and squeezed tightly, trying to draw the Inu's attention to him, if only for a moment. But Shigure only continued to laugh and the laughter seemed so rational in the dream. As though Ayame were indeed foolish for his desire to deter him from it.

Finally, the broad guffaws withered into hearty chuckles and eventually, drained away to nothing. Shigure sighed and stretched back, his robes falling open at the chest revealing tanned flesh. Though his constraints were well in place whilst his eyes were open, Ayame felt not the chains that would have held him back in reality. There was no procrastination, no weighing up the pro's and con's, or what might become of it should he act on his impulses. Here within the confines of his fantasy, he simply acted upon them.

Before he had the sense to stop himself, his hands were pressed to that skin, stroking it desperately as though it were oxygen to dying lungs. He pushed the robe back and rolled slightly atop Shigure eager to touch more of his friend's sweet flesh, wanting to sample each and every inch of him with his fingertips. Shigure smiled, as though they were both in agreement and roved his hands across Ayame's back, teasingly brushing the crease between his legs and his buttocks. Ayame was whimpering at what felt like real passion and plastered his lips to Shigure's chest, leaving trails of hot wetness across his skin. He wanted to shower him with kisses; bathe him with his lips.

But no more came of it. The dream shifted to a real memory now; an eight year old Ayame and Shigure running along the lake, savoring the wet sand between their toes. Water splashing around their ankles. Shigure stopped and picked up a stone, smoothed down to a fine circular surface by the rough water's touch. He bounced it up and down in his palm a few times, then with an experienced flick of his wrist, sent it skipping out across the lake's surface. Ayame, thrilled by this new activity, tried to follow suit and mangled the task unsurprisingly. His actions were far too rushed and not nearly as comprehensive nor concentrated as Shigure's. The Inu pup sighed and searched for another perfect stone to rival the one he had just returned to the water. He found it and slipped it into Ayame's hand which he then took between his own and demonstrated the correct way of aligning the shot. Shigure stood just behind Ayame, opposing hand positioned around his waist and chin perched on his shoulder, looking out across the lake. As they prepared to skip the stone, a couple came into view just a short way from there they were standing. The two boys watched curiously as the man encased his lover within the fold of his arms, both gazing out at the softly rippling water. How smooth and tranquil it looked that day; like silk being tweaked from every corner by tiny fingers. The couple looked on in silence for a while, before the man bent down to kiss his partner with gentle passion on the lips.

They were both men.

Ayame had been enraptured by the sight; by the tenderness that the gay couple had exhibited. He didn't clearly understand it then but what he did understand was how it made him feel inside. It was different from when he had seen straight couple's kiss. For some reason, these two men seemed more loving and genuine. He looked at them, they completely lost to everything but each other and he wished to know just what they were feeling. It looked so perfect. The men smiled at one another, noses touching for a moment, then started to walk away in the opposite direction, hand in hand. Shigure made a strange sound.

"Dad says that's wrong."

Ayame, who had always disliked Shigure's father, clenched the stone tightly between his fingers. He couldn't see how something that looked so wonderful, that displayed so much happiness and love could be wrong. If he couldn't have it in the arms of his parent's, then maybe Ayame could find it in the arms of another man. Someone to take care of him forever and love him more then anything else. He was envious of those two men, even as a small child. But whatever they shared between the two of them, that feeling that made him feel so warm all over... it couldn't be wrong. It just couldn't.

"I don't think so." He said softly, but firmly.

Shigure, who also didn't like his father, smiled. "Me neither."

Ayame smiled back, then on a basis of nothing other then driven instinct, turned his head sharply and met Shigure's lips with his own. It was a short kiss, a shy kiss, but it felt nice. It felt the way he was sure it felt for the couple they had just seen. Loving. Warm. Accompanying it a sense of acceptance for one another. It was Ayame who had pulled away first, savoring the wetness on his lips and the hot blush snaking it's way up his neck. 

"It doesn't feel wrong." He whispered.

Shigure blushing too, pried the stone from Ayame's taut fingers. He examined it in his hand for a moment, critically eyeing its worn surface before finding his lost voice. 

"No it doesn't." He said, heaving the stone as hard as he could. It hit the lake's surface with a hearty 'plop' and sank straight to the bottom. Shigure turned to face Ayame, a warm smile marring his features. A smile that had from that day onwards lit up everything around him; including Ayame's heart. "Not at all."

********************

Sunlight streamed through a gap in the curtains and fell across Ayame's svelte figure. His hair fanned across the pillows in tangled waves, shimmering in the early morning light. Dark eyelashes fluttered against pale cheeks as Ayame slowly returned to the waking world. He wasn't really a morning person and waking up was a gradual, painful effort that took a good half-hour at least. Though it didn't really matter on most occasions, since the shop didn't open until 10:30 on weekdays and today was a Saturday. Granted he felt well enough to do so, he wasn't required to be in until 3:00. Which meant a nice _long _sleep in. 

Ayame smiled as he snuggled into the blankets, pulling them around his slim body and stretched his arms out to the space beside him. Shigure wasn't a morning person either; one could argue that he was in fact an afternoon person since that was the only time he ever emerged. It was quite adorable really. He would be still be sleeping soundly, and damn what Shigure thought about it, Ayame was going to wrap his arms around him and cuddle him as they drifted into the morning. Yes, it seemed a fine way to spend his time in those lazy moments between sleep and wakefulness. The dream had also left him feeling a little cosy... to say the least. If he was a man of less restraint he may very well have acted on those feelings, rolling over and stripping away Shigure's robes, taking him there and then. But that could be considered unethical, not to mention embarrassing. Especially if Shigure didn't even wake up.

Whatever his plans, they never had the chance to come into fruition. His searching arms found nothing. 

Astonished, the silver haired bishie spread his fingers across the empty space, stretching as far as his arm could reach. When he had just about popped it out of joint, he consented to opening his eyes, just in case Shigure had slipped to the very edge of the bed and was hanging precariously off of the corner.

He wasn't there at all.

Ayame sat up shock straight, peering over the side to see if he had perhaps rolled out of bed and was now snoozing on the floor. It wouldn't be the first time that something of this nature had happened; Shigure could be counted on to sleep through just about anything. Perhaps he had been forced to adapt in such a way since Yuki and Kyou had come to live under the same roof. Whatever the case, Shigure was not lying comatose on the floor, nor was he anywhere in the room. Unless of course he was being incredibly silly and hiding in the closet, in the literal sense, but Ayame somehow doubted that even Shigure would do this for no particular reason.

The snake sighed and looked over at the clock. His blurry vision was able to make out the numbers 7:25. 

...

!!!

****

7:25??!! 

Shigure was never up this early!! He never even knew what a sunrise was! Growling, Ayame picked the clock up, convinced that it had stopped and shook it. The numbers flashed but remained stubbornly on 7:25. Ayame then had the common sense to compare it with the wall clock, which backed its little partner in crime up with the exact same numbers.

__

Bah... all the houses clocks must faulty, Ayame rationalized raking a hand through his hair which still had most of Shigure's braids and what not in them. He sleepily began to work them out, yawning widely and wondering where the dark haired dog was. At this point it seemed feasible that the only way he was going to find Shigure, was if he went in search for him. With that in mind, Ayame swung his tired legs out of bed and coaxed them towards the door, yawning the whole way. His body screamed in objection, not used to being pushed so soon after just waking up. But this was an emergency. Shigure was up _way _too early, he wasn't in immediate eyeshot and most importantly, Ayame hadn't had his early morning cuddle. DAMMIT he needed his cuddle and he needed it NOW! Full of determination, the silver haired snake pulled his robes tightly around him and slid the door open.

Shigure was sitting cross-legged beside the table reading the newspaper.

__

Oh. Well that was easy, Ayame thought as a wide smile spread across his face. Shigure didn't turn around to greet him, even though he must have heard the door open. He continued turning the pages, pausing occasionally to wet the tip of his finger with his tongue so the paper wouldn't stick together. His glasses sat up high on the bridge of his nose, dark brown eyes uncharacteristically dull behind the lenses. Understandable. It _was _7:25 after all. Ayame thought he knew a way of solving that.

He announced his presence, not in his usual flamboyant manner, but by dropping to his knees, waddling up behind his life long friend and draping his arms around his shoulders. Ayame nuzzled the back of Shigure's neck sleepily, smiling the whole while at the memory of his dream. That one day so many years ago when the two of them had kissed, as nothing more then friends...

"Good morning..." He whispered, feeling Shigure shift at the sudden contact. The other man glanced over his shoulder barely meeting Ayame's eyes with his own, then turned back to the paper.

"Morning. Sounds like you're feeling better."

Ayame hadn't even thought about his fever. In the light of other things it hadn't really seemed all that important... but now he realized that not only did he feel better, he absolutely was not ill anymore! It was a miracle!

"I am!" He said, patting his own forehead as though to verify this. "Thanks to Hari's Home remedies that is! And you taking care of me of course..." He said this bit seductively, spreading his legs out on either side of Shigure's waist and placing his feet in his lap. Shigure turned the page. "Shigure! You're such a wonderfully able minded nurse! Whatever can I do to thank you?"

This provoked a reaction of some sort, and Shigure could usually be counted on to never skip a beat of their game. But he seemed distracted that morning. His eyes never left the minute black print of the paper and his expression never rose beyond that of a brooding one. Ayame waited patiently for the response, which never came before he released his hold on Shigure's shoulders. He scuttled around to his side and slipped his head in-between the newspaper and Shigure's line of sight, so that he couldn't avoid him.

"Gure~?" He sang, rapping the dog smartly on the back of the skull. "You and Hari didn't switch places last night while I was sleeping did you? Because you seem kind of um... grumpy..."

Shigure sighed a little and shook his bangs so they drifted to one side of his face. He still refused to meet Ayame's eyes a fact that annoyed the snake royally. 

"HEY!! GURE!!" He yelled, waving his hand in front of the dogs' morbid face. "I don't know what you've done with my friend Shigure but I want you to spit him out right this instant! And if this is you Gure then I don't think you have a right to pout! I didn't do anything unsanitary in my sleep did I? And even if I did, you are not one to judge, considering you snore, sleep talk and have an assortment of other unpleasant personal slumber habits that I feel would be tactless of me to mention right now."

Shigure cracked a grin. It was a start. 

Ayame adopted a sympathetic expression and wrapped his arm around the inu's neck, rubbing his fingers through the delicate peach fuzz just below the hairline. What followed was silence as the pair simply stared at one another and Ayame could have believed in those subtle nuances that they really were lovers. The way their eyes met... it seemed almost surreal and as he lifted his face upwards, he forgot about keeping his feelings a secret. It just didn't seem to matter anymore. 

Shigure pulled away.

Cold heat flushed throughout Ayame's body and he tried to think of something to say; to make the sudden dash of his lips towards his friends a simple misunderstanding. That he _hadn't _been about to kiss him... no...

"...Shigure..." He whispered.

" I know."

It couldn't have been more effective, even if a drip full of ice cold water was pumping through his veins. Ayame's eyes widened until the point that they nearly popped from their sockets. For once, he hoped his ears had betrayed him or that he simply read too much into what his friend was saying. 

"Know what, Shigure...?"

The novelist made a sound like he was exceedingly weary and gently pulled Ayame's arm off of him, climbing to his feet as the fingers fell away from his neck. He turned towards the kitchen and walked to the door, stretching his own hand up to brace against the wooden frame whilst he and his mind spoke to one another; a hidden argument that Ayame was not privy to. Not until Shigure chose to share it.

"You... Aya. I know how you... how you feel..."

Under normal circumstances, Ayame may have felt inclined to make a dirty joke but these were not normal circumstances. Shigure was too somber; the very air around them seemed choked with an unpleasant vibe. He tried to say something, anything to make the upcoming conversation go away... but he knew now that it wouldn't.

"I... don't know what you mean?" He said lamely, though forcing himself to smile while he said it. He jumped as Shigure spun around, slamming his hand against the wall as though meaning to punch a hole through it.

"God dammit Aya, cut the bullshit!" He all but yelled, glaring down at the other man. "I _know _okay? I'm not making some fucking hypothesis or some self-righteous guesswork. Where I'm coming from Ayame is the blatant truth you get that? I know! Okay... I—I know..."

There was a silence so thick and consistent it might very well have been compared to melted toffee. Ayame wanted to divert his eyes but they were fixed on Shigure's; Shigure ,'s which darted from his face to elsewhere in rapid succession. Ayame was confused, until he realized that his kimono had hiked up to perch atop his hips, exposing the entire length of his smooth ashen thighs. He felt his cheeks redden, and quickly secured his legs beneath the fabric of his robe, grateful for the excuse to look away from Shigure's hard gaze. And even in a moment like this, he couldn't fail to notice how handsome the dog was when his face was creased with disconcertment.

"How...?" Ayame finally asked. Shigure scratched the back of his neck as though remembering the snakes affectionate touch and wet his lips, as if to prepare his mouth for the words. He didn't want to do this... what if it ended everything? But what was the point in staying silent any longer, when he had already promised himself to be honest? Dammit... if anything Ayame deserved that honesty... even if it hurt him. Which it inevitably would. There was no alternative.

"Last night... you told me." He said, speaking the words with a weight that seemed to send them crashing to the ground as soon as they left his lips. Ayame's breath caught in his throat. His heart refused the wall of his chest. _Dear God..._ "Though I don't think you really meant to... am I right in my assumption?"

"Shigure I—"

"Am I right?!"

Frightened by his tone, Ayame simply nodded praying a rift in the earth's plates would create a yawning directly beneath him that he could disappear into. No such luck however.

Shigure was watching him and slowly but surely, his face gradually began to soften until it took the form of something akin to... pity. _No _Ayame thought, twisting his own face away. _Don't do that to me... that's the cruelest thing you could do Shigure..._

"Aya... I really had no idea..." The inu rubbed his chin with the top of his index finger and rested the fingernail against his lip. "I don't know really what to say, it's just... I... you _know _me Ayame. You know that I... Damn I'm just so sorry..."

"Don't you do that..." Ayame hissed, expression hidden from beneath his hair. He slowly turned his face towards Shigure and his eyes told it all. He was aggrieved, tears were welling behind his lashes and his forehead was creased from the weight of holding himself together. "You think you're sorry? You haven't just made a fool of yourself have you? ...God damn, you're my friend so you have a right to be angry, to shake your head and be disgusted if you have to... but how _dare _you try to pity me. I'm insulted... truly insulted that you would feel sorry for me as though there is really a cause for your sympathy. You may as well have called me pathetic."

"Aya that's not what I was implying-"

"You don't have to imply, Shigure! If you really were sorry then you would have kept your mouth shut and let things go on the way they were!"

"Like _you_ were planning to?!" Shigure said sharply enough to slice right through the bone of Ayame's skull. "I'm sorry because I can't return the feelings and I don't want to see you hurt Aya. But I'm not going to shut up and let something that's this important to you float by without saying a word. I don't see that as thoughtlessness Ayame, I see that as a kindness. Having the strength to confront these things rather then run from them."

Ayame frowned. "And I'm weak for not telling you, is that what you're saying?"

"Hell no! God, I wish you would stop misinterpreting everything I say!"

"Then say something that makes sense and stop beating around the bush!" Ayame rose to his feet and only then did the tears start to stream down his cheeks. "If you want me to say it myself then fine, okay? I... I look at you as more then a friend. I know that you're straight but I don't care, it's just that you've always been there for me so I—"

Shigure smashed a hand against his forehead and then flung it out to the side fiercely. It was such a violent action that Ayame staggered backwards over the table and nearly fell on his butt. He managed to regain his footing, no thanks to Shigure who was yelling.

"You want _me_ to make myself clear when you can barely do so yourself? You said last night... basically posed the question of whether or not I might ever see how much you loved me. ...How can I see it, if you don't ever show it to me?"

"...I should have caught on when you started snoring..." Ayame said, looking off to the side as though he had spied something interesting in the distance. "Up until that point you were silent and then there was—This is really beside the point, isn't it?"

Shigure grinned a little sheepishly. "Yeah it is..."

Ayame closed his eyes, his long lashes brushing his cheeks as though trying to soothe him. What he wouldn't give for this to be another nightmare; to suddenly wake up and find Shigure beside him, sleeping soundly and still blissfully unaware. Why, oh why had he spoken aloud last night? Foolish... idiotic and foolish and now, as a result he may very well lose the one thing in his life that never had any faults.

"Gure..." He whispered as more tears rolled across his cheeks and gathered on his chin. "I'm so sorry... for feeling this way about you, for not being honest with you... this must disgust you..."

"You sounded so miserable Aya... I've never known you to sound so sad..."

"There are sadder things..." Ayame wiped at his face, trying to rid himself of the salty wetness that made him want to cry even harder and turned away to face the door. "I'm such an idiot. ...I've always known that but I didn't want you to know." His shoulders started shaking as sobs worked their way up from his chest. "I didn't want to lose you too!!"

"Aya you haven't." The dog said gently, reaching out to place a hand on his friends convulsing shoulder. Ayame pulled it out of his grasp and clapped his own hand down as though to eradicate any room for Shigure's.

"Then tell me that this doesn't matter. That you won't feel weird being around me and seeing me... that you won't get uncomfortable when we joke around or when I touch you or look at you." Ayame was shivering now as if the fever had reclaimed him, both arms wrapped around the width of his body as though he meant to hide himself from those deep brown eyes he loved so much. "Even though you know I love you... tell me it doesn't matter!"

"'It doesn't matter?' You want me to say your feelings mean nothing then?"

"No..." Ayame turned his face a little to the side, just so he could see Shigure from the very edge of his sight. "Don't you see Shigure? No words will fix this. You say it 'doesn't matter' you're a cold unfeeling bastard. You say it does matter, it means you're uncomfortable with this... with me. And you are aren't you? That's why you rolled away last night to deter my touch and right now... you couldn't stand to have my arms around you."

Shigure didn't have to say anything. He wished he did, but it was a no win situation. And the truth was... that he really was uncomfortable with it. Knowing how Ayame felt about him gave new meaning to every little word he said every little contact he made and every look. And knowing Ayame not all of those thoughts would be exactly kosher either. With nothing to say, a silence passed between them and Ayame whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as his fears were confirmed. There really had been no hope after all... why had he even bothered to—

He sighed. "Considering you're an author and all Shigure, I find it kind of amusing that you can't even think of a few choice words to say right now."

Shigure simply shook his head. "I write words... I don't write life Ayame."

"I think I saw that one in your last smut novel."

"Come on Ayame, what do you want me to say?!" Shigure exclaimed, shaking his hands. "I can't give you what you want and I don't know how to fix this! What do you want from me?!"

Ayame slowly looked over his shoulder, a tear carving a silver trail across his cheek. How very badly he wanted this whole thing to be nothing but a bad dream, because then he could take the easy way out and wake up from it. But this was no dream. He wasn't hiding behind closed eyes; he wasn't treading foot on grass that was blue and a sky that was purple. This was very real. His eyes stung from the biting harsh reality of the tears and his heart ached, from beneath the weight of the great loss he was enduring.

This was certainly not how he had imagined this moment.

"What I want from you...? I want..." And despite everything, he smiled. What the hell was he trying to shelter himself from now? What would be the harm in admitting any more that was far less then what Shigure already knew. "I want you to be how I see you in my mind. Sweeping into whatever place I'm in, no matter how far away I may be. All eyes and arms and lips... I want you to pull me to you and let me sink into those eyes of yours. You'll tell me the past is the old book we've put aside and the future is open and-- ... and then you'll say... 'You win.' That's all you'd ever say Shigure and I'd know it meant that you loved me as I loved you. 'You win...' Because that then will be the end of the game we play."

"Ayame..."

The snake smiled softly. "Its okay Shigure... you haven't done anything wrong. Thankyou so much for taking care of me... I don't know if I'll be visiting again anytime soon but... take care of Yuki okay? If you feel as though you have any obligation to me at all because of this... that can be your way of showing it."

"Ayame... it can't end this way... not over something like this." Shigure's eyes were glassy, as though he meant to cry but couldn't quite force himself to do so. "We've been friends forever... it can't end this way..."

"But it has." Ayame said and with that, the last of his self control fled. Sobbing loudly, hands clasped over his mouth he threw the door open and ran through the entrance way out through the hole Kyou had created in the front door and towards his car. He didn't stop to consider his clothes were still inside, or that he was running around in a filthy old kimono which would have given Mine a coronary on any day of the week. He just wanted to leave Shigure behind him, to escape what had happened. The car was unlocked and for once Ayame was grateful for his absent mindfulness. He tugged the driver's side door open and somersaulted into the seat, crying openly as he twisted the key in the ignition. By now Shigure was out on the porch yelling at him to come back. Ayame ignored him and started to car in less then three tries, a record for him and quickly backed down the driveway, running over some phallic shaped plant that had no justifiable reason for being planted where it was. In the garden. 

"HEY!! WHAT THE--?!" Kyou dived out of the way as the car flew down the drive at him, faster then a train that had been derailed. It was lucky he had been paying attention that morning or else that little incident could have been quite messy. Not that the alternative was any cleaner, considering he had landed in a great stinking pile of what he hoped was mud. The car reached the end of the driveway and spun a 180-degree angle, taking off down the road and almost skittling the mailman who was on his morning deliveries. Kyou wondered why it was Hatori was the only member of the Three Musketeer's who acquired his license by actually learning to drive and not from finding his in a cereal box.

For a long time, Shigure simply stared after the car and for the first time in a long time, he had no idea what to do. There was no witty remark, no come back no nothing... just a sedate feeling of emptiness within and without him. He leaned heavily against one of the wooden support beams, thinking back to what Ayame had just said:

__

"That's all you'd ever say Shigure and I'd know it meant that you loved me as I loved you."

"Hey what's up with him?" Kyou asked, jerking Shigure back to reality. The cat was standing beside him on the porch, wiping mud off of his shirt and staring off down the road, that familiar look of disinterested interest on his face. "The shop on fire or something?"

Shigure said nothing.

_______________________________________________________________________  


Hatori was reading through Akito's medical chart when Ayame came knocking at the door. The doctor groaned, irritated that whoever it was had ignored the 'Do not disturb' sign he had hung outside. 

__

Maybe if I ignore them they'll go away... He thought, though this very rarely worked in any circumstance. And what if this person had an emergency? Hatori sighed, feeling his conscience get the better of him and was about to get up and answer the door when he heard the voice yelling from outside.

"Hari!! Let me in, I have to talk to you!!"

Ayame. Hatori turned and sat back down at his desk, swinging the chair around to face away from the disturbance. He picked the chart back up and gazed down at the writing, single eye squinted as though to replicate his annoyance. This was not an unusual occurrence; Ayame often came knocking at his door early in the morning and he usually didn't give up until he was heard out. He probably just wanted to show that he was feeling better or something. In any event, Hatori was going to ignore him. Akito's health was on a rabid decline and he needed to concentrate if he hoped to figure something out.

The banging at the door became more desperate as did Ayame's voice. "Hari please! Open the door!" 

He sounded as though he were crying. Also not unusual. He often tried this tactic in the hopes Hatori would open the door to see what the matter was. Not today. The dragon stuffed a finger deep into his ear and stared resolutely at the chart with unwavering scrutiny. _Suffering from acute muteness and conjunctivitis—_

"Hatori PLEASE!!" Ayame was so desperate now he was banging on the door as hard as he could and screaming at the same time. "Please let me in! I feel like crap, I have to talk to you PLEASE!! PLEASE!!"

This was too real to be an act; Ayame really did sound upset. Hatori set down the chart and looked over his shoulder, listening to see if he could hear the snake snickering from outside. Nothing, other then the sobs and the weakening banging. He got up and made his way over, sliding the door into the wall.

Ayame pitched forward. It would seem he had been leaning on it, forehead pressed against the wood. The paper was covered in scratches as though he had been tearing at it with his nails in a desperate bid to get Hatori's attention. The dragon let out a surprised grunt and quickly caught Ayame in his arms, holding him beneath the armpits as he pulled him inside.

"What's wrong?" He asked as the other man clung to him desperately. "Do you really feel that ill?"

"No, no, no, no, no..." Ayame whimpered shaking his head furiously and burying his face into the stale smelling doctor's coat. "It's all gone... it's ruined everything's ruined... and it's all my fault!!"

"What's all your fault?" Hatori said, not understanding. He tried to stand to bring Ayame with him but the snake slumped as though the strength of his legs would not support him. "Stop this right now! Stand up! Whatever the problem is I doubt you have to be this dramatic about it!"

His arms fell away and Ayame knelt on the floor, hands pressed across the expanse of his face as though trying to hide his grief. As though ashamed of how he was behaving. 

"I'm sorry Hari!!" He sobbed, shoulders shaking with silent tremultations. "I didn't mean to bother you... I just... I just didn't know where else to go!!"

Hatori's features softened a little, though his heart did so much sooner. He didn't mean to be annoyed with Ayame, he was just so overworked with Akito taking sick more and more frequently. It seemed as though the family master was truly on his last legs and with that in mind he was under more pressure to try and slow his gradual descent into death. But it wasn't fair for him to put Akito before his lifelong friend and he knew this. With a patient sigh, the doctor reached down and pulled Ayame into a standing position, leading him back to sit in his chair and then going over to one of his cabinets.

"What's wrong?" He asked, searching around for the xainex he kept in there. Ayame sobbed and bent over, his forehead nearly touching his knee's.  
"Shigure... he, we just... I ruined it..." He continued crying and wouldn't say more. Hatori coaxed him into taking a tablet and lying down in his bed, knowing that forcing him to say any more of what was troubling him would only cause more harm. If he kept it going at this rate, he would only revoke the fever and that was something he didn't need.

Besides... Hatori felt he had a pretty good idea about what had happened...

________________________________________________________________________

Shigure was uncharacteristically cheerless at breakfast that morning. Tohru and Yuki both turned up at around 10:30 and the prior immediately set to work preparing their meal. Shigure picked at his food, forming patterns with his rice and fish and very rarely spooning any of it into his mouth. He didn't even compliment Tohru at her cooking which was something of a daily ritual for him. The two boys were busy arguing as per usual and Tohru was the only one who seemed to notice Shigure's lack of enthusiasm.

"Um... Shigure?" The inu looked up at the soft calling of his name. Tohru was gazing at him, her large green eyes wide with concern. "You don't seem very happy this morning. Is something wrong?"

Shigure smiled barely a slight uptake of the corner of his lips and inclined his head. "Just thinking is all Tohru. Your breakfast is superb as usual. Sorry if I seem distant."

Tohru shook her head hurriedly. "No, no! It's okay if you were just thinking. I was worried that maybe you weren't feeling well."

"Maybe my brother got him sick." Yuki said, turning away from Kyou's reddening face. "You know what those two are like Miss Honda, I wouldn't be surprised if Shigure caught something off of him."

A silence followed as Shigure simply sat staring at his plate. He barely had the energy to rebuke Yuki's comment with some witty remark of his own, let alone to even defend his 'innocence.' Kyou paused with the chopsticks an inch from his lips and spoke to the group as a whole.

"Something happen between you two? Ayame did take off pretty fast this morning."

"You don't say?" Yuki said, running his finger along the curvature of his bowl. Kyou nodded.

"I thought it was kind of weird. Considering there was no Hatori in sight-"

"Good morning."

The whole group balked in shock as Hatori appeared beside the table. No one had even heard the door open. That was Hari though; swift and silent as a shadow.

"Okay. Now that's just freaky." Kyou said, speaking for all of them.

Shigure looked up and smiled lightly at his friend. "Oh, Hari. If you were looking to check on Aya I'm afraid you just missed him. He went on his way a few hours ag-"

"Beat it kids."

Kyou, Yuki and Tohru stared in shock. "Eh?"

Hatori sighed. "Let me try that again. I'm asking you to leave Shigure and I alone for a minute. Is that all right?"  
"Why don't you and Shigure just go outside?!" Kyou snapped, grinding his chopsticks into the table. "In case you hadn't noticed we're eating here! What gives you the right to come into another person's house and just start snapping out orders left and righ-"

"Sorry Kyou. But I'm going to have to agree with him." Shigure said softly. He had caught the look in Hatori's eye and let's say it wasn't exactly pleasant to behold. "Just a minute, then you can come back in."

"GEEZ!!" Kyou yelled, jumping to his feet and taking his bowl with him. "Fine then! I'm going to eat this on the roof! You two'll take forever and I'm not eating this cold!"

"Kyou don't yell..." Tohru said, diplomatically as Kyou disappeared upstairs. Yuki sighed and picked his bowl up as well, going outside with it.

"Miss Honda. I'm going to eat at the Secret Base. Would you like to join me?" He asked, flashing her his million-dollar smile. Tohru blushed and nodded, following at his side with her own bowl clutched in hand. Hatori waited patiently until they were all out of immediate earshot before addressing Shigure.

"What did you do?"

Shigure glanced up, unable to read Hatori's expression as his lame eye faced him. "In regards to what?"

"I'm not going to skip around the topic Shigure. I don't have time to waste playing your little games and I think you know that, so just come clean." He turned and slipped his hands into the pockets of the suit he had chosen to wear, locking his eyes on Shigure's face. Hatori had this way of looking at you that made you fearful to look away. He was very intense. "Ayame came to my place this morning in a state of near hysteria, crying about how something was ruined. I'm assuming of course that this was in regards to your friendship." His voice lost some of its sharp clarity and he sat down at the opposite end of the table, brushing the corner as though cleaning away dust from the surface. " I want you tell me what happened. He was in no state to do so himself. I had to give him a Xainex to calm him down."

Shigure seemed shocked. "He was that upset?"

Hatori was grim. "To be honest, I'm surprised he was able to drive to my place without crashing the car. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"It's none of your business." Shigure said gruffly, picking some meat out of his bowl and then putting it back down. Hatori narrowed his eye.

"Would you like to repeat that Shigure?"

"I said; 'It's none of your business.'" 

Hatori rose to his feet and came around to the other side of the table. Shigure thought he meant to leave, which was why he was so stunned when he felt a hard fist connect with his jaw sending his toppling backwards. His shoulders hit the floor with such force; the wind was knocked from his lungs. He barely had time to recover before Hatori had him by the front of his kimono and pushed against the table, glaring into his aching face.

"Now you listen, and you listen good you son of a bitch." He snarled in a voice so unlike Hatori it was frightening. "When I lost Kana you were both there for me when I was at my worst. The three of us have been constant to one another for our entire lives and when I was grieving you and Ayame helped me to get better. Should I have shunned that? Should I have told you to ignore what was happening because my relationship with Kana did not directly involve you? 'It's none of your business.' How dare you say that to me. Twenty-seven years and you try to tell me that something that is happening between my two closest friends is 'none of my business.' Well I think that's fucking pathetic, Shigure. Pathetic. 'None of my business?' What the Hell else do I have? Huh? You tell me that!! I won't stand by and do nothing while Ayame suffers, do you hear? Of course this is my business. I cannot be your friend and Ayame's too because the three of us have always been the three of us. Not this disjointed little group. I inevitably suffer from this too you know and if you even think for one minute that this has nothing to do with me, then you're more blind then I am." He shoved Shigure back hard and stood up. "Now tell me what happened!"

It took Shigure a while to speak as he was recovering from Hatori's sudden outburst. It wasn't usual for the quiet, withdrawn dragon to flare up like that and especially not over something like this. He and Ayame had fought before but it wasn't like Hatori to get involved. But then again... Ayame had never walked away this upset before.

Shigure cleared his throat. "I... I um, found out something about Ayame... that I hadn't expected to find out."

Hatori nodded. "You found out how he felt about you."

The blood froze in Shigure's veins and he glanced up at his friend who was lighting a cigarette. The tip flared red for a moment and then faded to a dull ash with orange in the very center. He chose to instead focus on this, rather then the look on Hatori's face.

"How'd you know that?"

Hatori inhaled on the cigarette. "Maybe if you stopped talking for a moment and started watching instead you would have too. Ayame didn't make it easy; I had to read between the lines. Often when he came to talk to me he'd tell me about something you did, or something you said that day that made him laugh. Then he'd laugh again and sort of lapse into this dreamy state where he would continue speaking to me, but never really moving past that topic of conversation. Then somewhere along the line it would be; 'Gure thinks that too' or 'Shigure said something really funny about that.'" The dragon held the white cylinder away from his lips for a moment and blew out a thick stream of smoke. "He comes alive around you Shigure. Do you truly not see the way he looks at you, when you're together?"

Shigure lowered his gaze to his lap, placing the chopsticks down on the tables' surface. "I always thought that was just... us having fun."

"Of course it was Shigure. But it was fun for Ayame, because he felt that way. He clung to you as a child. Knowing him I suppose he comes to me because he wants to know my opinions on things, or maybe it's because... he wanted me to notice." Hatori looked at Shigure from the corner of his eye. "So that I might one day save him the trouble of telling you."

"But..." The dog swallowed past the large lump in his throat. "But—it's _Aya._ He always tells people what he thinks, what he wants."

"Then you should know, that he is very clumsy in doing so." The doctor sniffed, flicking ash out onto the verandah. "Ayame tends to internalize a lot; he stews over his feelings until they become a maelstrom of emotions that he can't control. He gets overexcited and jumps in head first, failing to put the right thoughts and words into action. Instead he fools the world around him and gives people a completely wrong perception of who he is. When it comes to Ayame, he only shows the world what he wants them to see. The rest... well, in a sense I suppose he's more like Yuki then either of them will let on. Because they both try to keep their faults shadowed and not give the world a chance to hurt them. Was Ayame wrong in thinking so? Considering what has happened here today?"

"It's not that simple Hatori."

"Am I implying that it is? Perhaps it is more simple then you know Shigure, because it can be summed into words and words are something you are familiar with." Hatori stepped to the door and gazed out towards the woods, observing the tree's gentle movements in the wind. "He loves you. There it is; plain and simple. Why is he upset? Because he feels that you do not love him."

"He's upset because he thinks that this will ruin our friendship." Shigure said dully, wishing for a cigarette of his own. It was too early for such philosophical wondering.

Hatori merely shook his head. "Don't be a damn fool. If Ayame had the choice, he would sacrifice this friendship in a heartbeat; if it meant that you would love him beyond that. He wants you as a lover."

"Please don't say lover." The dog groaned, feeling his face grow red. "This is me and Aya you're talking about!"

" 'Aya and I' Shigure and why should that make any difference." Hatori drew on the shortening length of the cigarette and handed it towards Shigure. "Do you really find it impossible to see the two of you in a relationship? I don't and believe me, gay relationships have been something I've never been truly comfortable with."

"But I'm not gay." Shigure snarked taking the cigarette and inhaling. The smoke coursing down into his lungs felt strangely calming.

"What about bisexual?" The dragon suggested, as though it were something you could just choose to be. "And even so, maybe you don't have to make the choice about your sexuality. If you do so chose to be with Ayame, you won't have to say out loud what you are or in which direction you lean. Perhaps you can just be. So I'm going to ask you straight out; Do you or do you not have feelings for Ayame? Past that of friendship of course."

For a long time, Shigure sat on that question trying to navigate through his mind. He couldn't really say how he felt... He felt sadness at the thought that he and Ayame might never be able go back to the way they were before. And somehow, having Hatori there to confirm it made Ayame's feelings seem that much more real and it was... nice in a sense. Flattering. And more so then that. He liked it.

As he drew the cigarette smoke into his lungs he thought back to the previous night; everything that had happened, brushing Ayame's hair, the shock he felt at hearing about how he'd slept with that Rocky fellow, sitting close to one another like that... how it must have tortured Ayame! And then... in the middle of the night, he awoke in Yuki's bed to hear Ayame whimpering and writhing in his sleep. Shigure had wasted no time in racing downstairs and crawling into bed beside him. He's wanted to awaken the poor snake as he tangled the blankets around himself, sobbing in his unconsciousness but he'd heard it was dangerous to do so. Instead, he had put his arms around him holding him tight until Ayame had awakened. He had pretended to sleep, for what reason he didn't really know but the last thing he had expected was for his friend to press up against him, holding him so close and personal. Shigure had felt Ayame kiss his skin and at first he was shocked and then, even more so at the words the other had spoken. He had rolled away and made a snoring noise, hoping it would deter the snake from doing anything else. But Ayame had not been deterred. He had spooned him from behind instead and kissed the back of his neck. Shigure knew he should have been angry, that it wasn't right for Ayame to be taking advantage of his supposed slumber, but he didn't feel any of this.

He'd felt warm.

He'd liked it.

"Shigure?" Hatori asked and the dog looked up speaking his reply before he'd really even considered it.

________________________________________________________________________

"Oh! Hi Ayame!" Mine chirped from behind the counter. "I didn't think you'd be coming into work today, what with um... that Hatori chap ringing up to excuse you!" 

Ayame swept extravagantly into the store, flinging his arm out towards all the employees that had the joy of working on the weekend.

"Greetings all employees who have the joy of working here on the weekend!" He said, sounding quite chipper despite the morning's unpleasantness. Flipping his hair out behind him with the tip of his fingers, he turned and walked over to the counter, leaning across it to speak with Mine. "I had a fight with one of my friends and it left me feeling, how do I put this... a bit heart sore? But I'm here now so why don't we get to work and make today as good a day as any?"

"You've got it Mr. Shopkeeper!" Kiku Tomoku, one of the employees yelled as he carried some fabric over to the display shelf. Mine however, sensed that whatever had happened between Ayame and his friend was troubling him more then he let on. When Ayame had a fight with someone he was close to, he tended to spend his day at work sulking around and generally not concentrating. One time he had mistakenly sold a nurses uniform to a man who had been after a female cop's uniform. That may not sound like much, but in this business it was a major balls up. It took weeks to correct it and a lot of late nights just to make up a new outfit.

"Ayame are you sure you're in any state to work today?" She asked, resting her hand on his shoulder. "You know what you're like after all. Perhaps you'd be better off resting."

Ayame came around to the other side of the counter and leaned down to speak to her. "And knowing myself like I do, you know that if I rest I'll just stew on what happened all day and work myself up even more. I can't be sitting around in some bed feeling sorry for myself. I need to be doing something to distract myself. Do you understand?"

The look in Ayame's eyes threw her for a loop for a moment, but Mine eventually smiled. He looked so sad deep down in those green orbs and she knew it must have been something particularly hurtful for him to speak so seriously. For him to look that way.

"Of course I understand. We'll have a great day! In case you'd forgotten it's Card Captor Sakura theme day!" She tugged him towards the back room, all smiles and laughter. "Come on! I have your outfit hanging up on the door for you! I'm going to get changed myself!"

"Ah... I was wondering why Kiku was dressed even more oddly then usual." Ayame said hypocritically, looking over at the blue haired man wearing a green robe costume more formally recognized as Li's battle outfit. "I thought maybe he was dressing as Link again."

Mine raised an eyebrow. "Link?"

"You know; from Zelda!"

She still looked confused.

Ayame sighed. "Well, I'll go get changed then. Do I get to be Sakura?!"

Mine laughed. "No of course not! _I _get to! You're that Uain guy; you know the one with the long silver hair? I figure why not work with it!"

"But I want to be Sakura!"

"Too bad I've already had the outfits ordered and Sakura won't fit you so go on!" Mine gave him a forceful shove behind the curtains and laughed at his whiny voice disappearing behind the door. Having done her duty, she went off to get her own outfit, wondering to herself what Ayame's predicament was this time and why he had failed so far to share it with her. She usually told him everything.

But maybe... maybe this was something he wanted to deal with on his own...

**********

"Simply splendid!" Ayame cried as Mine spun in a circle, showing off the green skirt she was wearing. Her hair was done up in two little pigtails, not braided and she wore an oval shaped hat. Kiku beamed with pride.

"You look terrific Mine as always!" He cried, linking his arm around her shoulder. "Maybe you should wear that tonight? I guarantee all eyes will be on you, if they're not already."

"Hard to believe it's been a year already!" Ayame exclaimed, as Mine linked her fingers through Kiku's. "Why it just seems like yesterday that the two of you were shyly tiptoeing around the subject of asking one another out! Thanks to me taking action I spared you both the trouble! I hope you toast to me tonight on your 12 month anniversary!"

"You'll be mentioned in a small footnote Ayame." Kiku smiled, giving Mine a kiss on the forehead. "Might I say, those robes really do compliment you though my boy! You look positively dashing!"

Ayame flung his long silver hair behind him and posed like a super hero. "Well what do you expect Kiku, I'm just one of those people who seems to walk through life with my own private spotlight on me!"

"Mmmhmm, whatever you say Ayame." Mine giggled as the door slid open behind them. "Ah! First customer of the day!"

"To your stations everyone!" Ayame cried with gusto, pointing a finger forwards. Kiku and Mine nodded in unison and saluted, rushing away to the places they needed to be. Ayame vaulted the counter and stood straight and tall, smiling as the customer came into sight. A tall dark haired man with a smooth handsome face. He seemed to know exactly what he wanted and made a beeline straight for the counter. Ayame tossed his hair a little and beamed, feeling himself slip into his automatic work mode. This strange sense of autopilot was helping to keep his mind from wandering back to the painful conversation of that morning and as he discussed different kinds of fabric that could be used in a can-can girls skirt he started to gradually feel better.

Another customer entered the store and Mine went over to help him, prompting a hail of teasing from Kiku about her flirtatious behavior. She ignored him and he made a big show of flirting with the next customer who came in; a twenty-something year old boy who seemed frightened by the attention. Ayame laughed as he watched them, feeling that his decision to come into work that day had been a good one after all. Even if it meant he would go home that night and cry, at least for the moment he had this little antiseptic shop of his to disappear into for a while. And that might just be enough.

The door whooshed open.

Ayame looked up from the fabric samples he was going through to see who was entering the store. He was running out of employee's to deal with them, so he kind of hoped that this one might just browse around for a bit until he could get to him.

It was Shigure.

Ayame's heart stopped as the inu strode resolutely into the shop, ignoring the other customers and the strangely dressed attendants. _My God just look at him, _Ayame thought as his eyes roved over his friend's body with very little restraint. Shigure was wearing a black pair of slacks and a casual blue shirt, with the top two buttons undone. His hair was brushed neatly, though not gelled and his expression was something akin to that of nervousness, though overruled by a sense of determination. He looked delicious. Kiku was making motions at him with his thumb and mouthing; "_He's HOT" _at Ayame. The snake swallowed and felt his eyes swell with tears. Shigure was here to ease his conscience with empty words, nothing more. He just couldn't handle feeling guilty and he was going to fix it in the way he always dealt with things; by sweeping it under the carpet.

Ayame lowered his head as the tears came forth again. _No you bastard. I was just starting to feel better, you can't make me hurt again._

Shigure spied him and was striding over before the tailor could even utter a word of protest. Everyone in the shop was watching, drawn in by his resolute movements and Ayame's reaction to his presence. He wanted to yell at them to stop staring, but no words came. Only more sobs and more tears.

Shigure reached the counter and started to come around it to the other side. Ayame covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head, silky silver hair whipping around his face as tears leaked across his hands and down onto the fabric on the tables surface.

"Go away Shigure." He cried, muffled from behind his palm. "Please go away... I don't want to hear you try and make this better when you can't."

Shigure grabbed him around the wrist, his fingers cutting deep against the skin and tugged him sharply towards him, pulling him around the counter out towards the center of the shop. Ayame struggled, trying to free his arm from his grip, crying and shouting all at once.

"Just go! I don't want you here! I don't want you—" And then... there were no more words to say. Shigure had pulled him into the circle of his arms and was pressing his fingers delicately to his lips, tracing the soft curvature of them with his thumb. The last of Ayame's protest died in his throat at the look in Shigure's eyes; the compassion vanquishing his anger and grief. The inu gently reached up, brushing the backs of his fingers across the tear stained cheeks trying to soothe them away with his touch. This only made Ayame cry even harder; thinking how cruel it was for him to do this. To touch him this way.

"Shigure..." He whispered and those fingers moved away, trailing gently off the pinkish skin to clasp his jaw between both hands. Shigure gazed at him, his eyes swimming deep within those beautiful green ones he knew so well. And then... those eyes fell closed behind dark lashes and his lips were pressed to Ayame's, kissing him with a tenderness he never knew he possessed. Ayame's eyes widened for a moment and then he was relaxing into it, arms branching across Shigure's lower back and clasping the indent in his spine as he held him to him. Their lips touched in every place, until Ayame felt awash with Shigure. Bathed in him to the very brink of overflowing. It was like tasting fire and it was more wonderful then the snake could have ever imagined. Yet it ended all too quickly and as Shigure leaned back he drew on his bottom lip for as long as he could, feeling the other mans arms wrapped around his back and shoulders. All was silent around them and had it not have been so; perhaps Ayame would have missed the words Shigure breathed to him. Those blessed words he ached to hear.

"You win." 

__


End file.
